5's Portland Style

Last month I was in Maine (again... I know, I know. Move there already). We decided to mix it up and tried a new restaurant, Yumness Times 555. Let me tell you all Five Fifty-Five... best place I have ever ate.

For the first course we had the Bangs Island Muscles. I need to provide a little history here. About a year ago I tried muscles for the first time (in Maine of course). I've always avoided them because, well they look like an organ, or something else that looks highly unappetizing. I found that they weren't too bad, if the sauce was buttery/garlicky enough and I covered them in salt. The Bangs Island Muscles... TO DIE FOR. Rather than your normal garlic butter sauce the Chef at Five Fifty-Five adds pickled cherry peppers. I can not even begin to explain the pleasure explosion these little darlings caused in my mouth. They were that good. I don't even think I had to cover them in salt. They also were prepared perfectly. No rubbery "I can't chew this" texture.

My client manager had told me before going that they were known for their Grilled Caesar salad. I think my exact words were, "They grill the lettuce? GWOSS". Since I was feeling spunky I decided to try it. Gwoss? No, more appropriately I would call it heaven in my mouth. The lettuce is grilled briefly and wow, the flavor that these few short minutes add is unreal to me. It was all the beautiful taste of grilling in a salad. The dressing was light with just the right amount of garlic.

For the dinner course I decided to again take the advise of others. I tried the Truffled Lobster Mac and Cheese. My hubby is possibly cringing right now. He does not believe that seafood and cheese go together. The dish was delicious but I found it a little on the rich side. I would easily recommend this but likely won't have it again.

For dessert I recommend the 555 Smores. They had me at "Coffee Infused Marshmallows". It was just the right amount of sweet and I could have ate five or six portions and not gone home and cried. I would have floated off in Ecstasy.

We all shared a bottle (okay, okay, three bottles) of 2009 Frogs Leap, Sauvigon Blanc. I have recently (thanks to A.Miller) found a new appreciation for white wines. I use to swear I hated them. Now I tend to order a white over a red.

I had the standards, but I believe the menu changes daily. I can not recommend this place enough. The food and service was the best I have had in Portland and I believe this will be my new go-to place for dinner.

Hurdle

I was doing really good with the not smoking. I mean honestly it SUCKED. The first night I went on a mad dash through the house looking, because I was certain, somewhere was hidden, a cig. I even went so far as to check the hubby's car. I was slightly crazy. Luckily at that moment my quit coached called me. She talked me down from jumping.

Fast forward to Friday. I get into work and realize DOH, I forgot my patch. And I do good. Until 10 am. And then I CAN NOT HANDLE it anymore. So I caved. And pretty much failed this entire weekend.

I hated myself for doing it... but... well yeah.

So started fresh today and surprisingly I haven't had that urge. It's been since about midnight last night and the patch seems to be doing it's intended job.

Work tends to be easier because there are so many tasks that keep me from thinking about it. I am hopeful that some yoga tonight will take my mind off of it.

That and the fantastic grilled Caesar salad I plan on making.

Old Habits... MUST DIE

Today marks Day One. I have been sans a cigarette for about 18 hours. I hate it. Quitting sucks. I will love it after, no doubt. But right now... I want to rip the damn patch off and have a sweet smoke. But I won't. I will do it. This nasty decade old habit will die.

The Very Long and Very Winding Road

We all make mistakes. Right? No one really disagrees with this. Sometimes, sometimes those mistakes are so significant that your life is impacted every single day.

I made one of these mistakes. Eight years ago I made one of the only decisions that I truly regret. That decision changed the entire direction of my life. It changed who I was, and honestly, who I am. I can never get the things, the "me", back that I lost. I will forever be a different person because of one decision.

I've often tried to tell myself that I am better for what I went through. I am stronger. But am I?

If I really was a better person, if I really was stronger.... why do I suddenly feel afraid? Of course it isn't logical. I don't begin to pretend that it is. It is so very illogical I can't even wrap my head around it.

Regardless, it is not going away. It probably never will. I imagine that there will always be this part of me that remembers what I went through. The pain, the anguish, the loss of myself.

But what is more important is how I let the fear change me now. I am trying, so very very hard, not to allow the fear to rule. But it has. If I were to be honest with myself, since I first heard the possibility... well I have been on edge. I can't sleep at night. I am sometimes afraid just to walk outside of my house. When my phone rings I pray that he is not on the other end.

Maybe it will go away. Maybe I will wake up one morning and I will have suddenly forgotten.

But I doubt it.

And maybe that is best. Maybe I shouldn't forget.

I have changed. And I have accepted that regardless of the reason for that change I am a better person. With out the trials I experienced I wouldn't have found this new person. The one that has taken complete charge. The women that doesn't allow anyone to create limitations for her (although she tends to create them for herself). Stronger, maybe. Better, yes.

My Neverending Story

Laundry.

I don't believe I will ever win the epic battle I continually wage against my dirty clothes.

Maybe it is time to give up!

But giving up doesn't fix the problem! I can't wait until  am done with school (again) so I can actually do something other than work, school, occassional social activity, and sleep.

In other news, driving to work today I noticed a foodtruck from San Diego. With a camera next to the driver. FOOD TRUCK NATION! IN SLC! Mega geeked-out. Sadly they are filming this weekend. When I am in Nebraska. Far away from their delicious fare.

Sigh.

Slap my wrist

I have neglected this far too long. Actually I have neglected many things for far too long. Like a social life. I think I almost remember what having one was like. Oh, the joy of coming home from work and then having nothing pressing to do save for laundry or making dinner.

When I made the decision (with the blessing of the Husband) to get a doctorate... I think my thought process was something along the lines of, "Hey, why the hell not. Can't be much harder than the other two". I was wrong. So very very very wrong. It has very much sucked the life out of me. When I come home from work I do one of two things (besides crying, I almost always cry), I study or I zone out. The Husband and I haven't been to a movie since, wow... I think it was Clash of the Titans. My social life (and his by association) consists of bowling once a week and going to my parents for Sunday dinner.

I am not sure I regret the decision, I still am fascinated with different topics. I tried to explain my love of change management to the Husband and I believe his eyes glazed over. In fact, I am sure it was the same expression he gets from me when he starts talking IT. What I regret is not having a firmed up dissertation topic. I think (feel) I am behind.

I have a new academic rep (again, like for the tenth time) and he informed me that he wants me to have (I think he said his goal is for me to have, I took it as an order...) my prospectus done (rough draft) before my next residency. Prospectus? I don't even have a DAMN topic yet. Before I was feeling fine with my lack of a topic, I was still researching different ideas. Now? Now the lack of topic is like the hugest weight possible on my shoulders (well besides guilt from my mother, that will win, hands down, every time).

Sigh, can someone just give me a topic?  I need to quit being so indecisive!

Compromise is a four letter word

Marriage is all about compromise. I understand this and mostly, the husband and I compromise fine. I do the laundry (he helps out with this) and am in charge of dinner. He cleans the horrible cat litter. Very nice trade.

We are currently in the process of painting and decorating the spare bedroom, office, and kitchen. I have these very specific design ideas in my head. I literally have all the color scheme and decor picked out, in my head. My husband has a new nickname, dream-crusher. We have very different design pallets. He has accused me, not in the exact words but the intent was there, of being a gay man. Okay, I will take it! Gay men tend to be very creative when it comes to design.

We have yet to fully agree on anything and instead are compromising all over the damn place. This is great and I know this is how it should work. But can't he just say, "You make all the choices". This would be so much easier for both of us!

(Thanks to the husband and father for hanging the chair-rail. I love it!)