Baby it's cold outside

And for your information, it is still cold inside. I am going to take a gander and say that my company has decided to cut costs by freezing us out. Maybe there is a hope that people will quit because it is so damn cold in here.I have news for them... I won't be one of those people. I am on to their game.

I am leaving for Vegas tomorrow.... I get to celebrate New Years somewhere other than SLC. It is a treat. And maybe this is the naivity in me.... but I assumed Vegas would be warm. Nope. As of now they are only 10 measly degress warmer than us. I want more then that!

I did break out one of my wonderful Christmas gifts....



Now I no longer have to spend WAY too much money going to Beans and Brew. I can make my own mocha or latte. Now... way back in my days I worked at a place where I had to make these fancy drinks all the time. So last night as I try it out for the first time I just stare at the machine, unsure of what to do. Apparently making fancy coffee is not like riding a horse.

I will leave you with a nice tid-bit

Rex: Ok I did... I lied... I like the buzz
Bob: I bet you do
Bob: Whore!
Rex: Who you calling whore?
Bob: Um, hello... I am not the one who is pregnant, so obviously you
Rex: haha, no that just means you are frigid and cold hearted

Sigh... Rex is right. Bob is such a frigid bitch

Welcome Back Kotter

It is freezing in my office. When I say freezing I mean my nose is cold and I have to continue typing just to keep my fingers warm. Now like any responsible building, our heat is turned low over the weekend, especially long weekends. Every Monday I go through this exact same thing, I freeze. So explain to me why it is that if we are intelligent enough to turn down the heat we can't turn it up in enough time for above freezing temperatures when people come to work?

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas (or other Holiday). I must say I am glad it is over. As much as I enjoy shopping for people, baking cookies, and having long weekends... I am ready to get back to the grind. I was finally able to dig into the cleaning that I have avoided doing since I was sick. Have you ever had cleaning that needed to be done so badly that you put it off? Then when you finally get to it you have to make a mess to clean up? It blows. But now the front room and kitchen look liveable.

And the snow. Dear god. I wanted desperately to be any where but here. I can't remember the last time we had this much snow... wait I can. It was back in 2004. I was on the couch in my apartment Christmas Day, still recovering from surgery. I looked outside and thought how lucky I was to not be in the car on the way to Nebraska. My brother decided to be helpful and clear the driveway for my dad. What we learned was that it was a two person battle. I should have been the one to move the car, my brother managed to get it stuck. But thanks to my wonderful ability to retain useless knowledge I remembered a little blip I saw on the weather channel. They were discussing being prepared for road trips in the winter. "Keep a back of kitty litter in your car". Now don't be silly. It isn't in case you find a stranded kitten, but to give your tires something to grip on when you're stuck. That and a good push and we were done.



Can you believe this crap? Jeff and I finally gave it up after we realized in the fight with mother nature.... We were getting our asses kicked!



Well, I should probably get back to my hectic schedule of busy work. Don't fear that I will freeze to death... I found a space heater.

Female Band Seeks Drummer

No, I haven't deleted my myspace page yet. I intend to... I don't even think I've logged in. See, this is why I will delete it.

It is official. Meow Meow Thievery rocks. This is the official name of the new and improved band that Halls, Morgie and I rock with. We are sans drummer but make up for it with our awesome rendetion of One Way or Another. I love Blondie. And to be honest (cause I always am), we sucked it at Blondie. Could be because we were exhausted and my left wrist was starting to swell. We should solicit a drummer. I suspect it should be another female.

Halls is the whore of the group, rocking in a short skirt showing her chonies. And she is known to girrate when we finish a song. Surprising to anyone? I think not! As for Morgie and I, were are less whorish and more talented. Wait! Hall is making up for her lack of talent by being the whore. Ah Ha. Kidding, Halls is not a whore. Her RB character is.

We only play once a week, if that. So in spite of the lack of practice we still rock. ;)

Where do we live again?

Utah, a place of many wonders. And... in case some of you were unaware, it snows here. Every single year we get snow. I know, shock and awe. Not as bad as other areas, but moderately bad. So.... explain to me why it is a surprise? I know we get a few new people into the state every year, but the amount of Utard drivers is amazing to me. My morning commute sucked! What normally takes me 20 minutes too well over an hour. Why? Because people don't understand how to drive in the snow.

Lesson for all of you, just because you have a truck, just because you have 4-wheel drive.... DOESN'T mean you can drive fast. Trucks have little weight in the back making for an excellent spinning tool. 4-wheel drive is for rough terrain, not to stop from sliding on a sheet of ice. I digress.

And how is it that it was snowing when I got up at 6 and an hour later when I was leaving there still wasn't a plow to be seen? I know that our taxes go to something... pretty sure plows are part of that.

And this guy? He's effin crazy!

The end of an era

I was a late comer to the game of social networking. I think I was about 24 when I first heard of myspace. Forgive me for me inability to stay on top of fads, I was worried about other things...

But oh the wonderful things that myspace gave me. There is the good, I was reaquainted with MLo, actually in all honestly I am not entierly sure if that was how we started talking again. I met the BFF randomly, while I couldn't sleep. If I had been functioning normally I never would have replied and where would I be now? With out wonderful stories about the Iron-Welding-Bridge-Troll and BiPolar Girl. I found some fantastic blog buddies and developed great friendships, via the net. Although two of them I have met.

Then there was the bad, like that one irish mucisian guy.... the breast feeding blog (she deleted it otherwise I would have linked it), people that didn't agree with some of my more opinionated blogs. And the ugly... Like Cheetos (WORST MISTAKE EVER), the EEEEEEEEEEEE guy, and other random people that I could have never met.

And now.... Well.... I don't really like myspace. I am on maybe once a week. I quit blogging there. I quit most of it. I just don't like it any more. It has gotten... well trival. That or I have just grown up. I miss the conversations, the silly comments, reading all the blogs. But the site just doesn't do it for me anymore.

So I get ready to wave a farwell. The only thing that makes me sad is losing all the wonderful correspondence. Some of the funniest things I have ever read were sent to me on myspace.... Check out time is now.

My Christmas Wish

In all honestly I don't even know what I really want for Christmas. World peace, an end to poverty and hunger, equality for everyone (this means even the gays, thanks again scum in Cali), no more homeless pets (Bob Barker is a god, listen to him, spay and neuter your pets and quit buying pets from breeders)... But those concepts are ones that we all should wish for.. okay the breeder one may not be on everyone's list.

I love Christmas, I love shopping for people (yes I know, how very commercial of me). There is something about the face a reciepent makes when they open your gift, it is just wonderful. I love sending cards out. Although this year instead of wishes of ass smacking and highly inappropriate notes to the BFF I will send nice loving cards. Except to MLo, pretty sure his mentions something about hoping that he is alive.

I just realized that I am going to have to post two blogs. Because there is something else I want to tie in to hear that just isn't going to work for this blog.

I have been debating what to get the co-workers, and I have finally settled... instead of a gift I plan on making a donations to The Road Home and the YWCA. I encourage everyone to open their hearts and their pocket books (wow, what a quaint little line). Even if all you can afford is $10, go to the grocery store, bargin shop and spend ten dollars on non-perishable food items and take them to the food bank. If you really can't afford anything, I know times are hard, call up The Road Home, The YWCA, or any other shelter and ask how you can donate your time.

Tis the season for giving, so give to those who have fallen on hard times. There are more people than you know who are one paycheck away from being homeless.

Hugs and Kisses and Holiday Wishes,

Linds

This may come as a surprise

I HATE the Utah Humane Society. And when I say hate, I really really mean it. Now, don't get your panties in a twist. I am a firm supporter of adoption. I have two cats that were adopted and we also adopted our dog. And my parents have adopted animals our entire life. I am always for adoption. But the Utah Humane Society... well if I had sweaty balls I would tell them to lick them.

After I had Cleo for a few months I decided it was a good idea to get another kitten so she had someone to play with. I of course went straight to the Utah Humane Society. I found an adorable little kitten, spent close to an hour playing with. I then spent close to three hours waiting and going through an interview process (where they ask way too many completely insignificant questions). Then another 30 minutes of waiting to only hear "Oh, we're sorry... there is actually a wait list for this kitten". WHAT. My answer "This is ridiculous, you better be very happy that I don't have a child with me." Because how would I have explained to little Susy or Tommy that the cat they had fallen in love with and spent half the day with wasn't going to he theirs?

When my sister wanted to adopt she went to the Country shelter because I told her under no circumstances was she allowed to go to the humane society. She walked out and hour later with her cat.

The following story is something that has unnerved me to such an extent that I am thinking of writing a letter (and it didn't even happen to me).

A guy at my office got his daughter a cocker spaniel puppy. The next day they had to rush his daughter (I think she is 5) to the ER. She was in the ICU with what the doctors thought was an allergic reaction to the dog. He did the only thing he could do, he sadly gave the puppy to the Humane Society. He knew that they would be able to find a purebred cocker spaniel puppy a home in no time. The next day the doctor's discovered what was wrong with his daughter and it wasn't the dog. He went back to the Humane Society first thing and explained the situation, along with a note from the doctor. They refused to give him the dog back.

So a girl that works with me heard the story and her and her husband thought "well we want another dog". So she goes to the Humane Society the next day and goes through all the same crap I did. Because the dog had only been there for two days they weren't able to release her right away. So two days later, after not hear back, she called and finally was able to get ahold of someone. The person at the Humane Society said "we noticed on your applications that you have a daughter". Yes they do, she is two years old "well there is someone here who is very familiar with the breed and say they are known for biting young children, they aren't a family friendly breed". WHAT?

Okay. My blood was boiling. I don't think I've been this upset in forever. I had a cocker growing up, my grandma had multiple cockers (my mom grew up with them). I have a cocker now. My parents have a cocker. Their cocker was my BFF's old cocker and he had cockers growing up.

Cocker spaniels are some of the best family dogs ever. They are extremely loyal and loving.

My friend is going to write the humane society a letter. Because I guarantee you that someone there wanted the dog.

So for those of you who are thinking of adopting an animal, please don't go to the Humane Society. Check out the Salt Lake County Shelter and the many city shelters around.

Thanks to you, a little late

The other day I was having a conversation with someone I work with. She was telling me about all the craziness that is her family, all the drama that are her friends.

I had to step back for a minute. It is times like these that I am reminded that I have a lot to be thankful for. There are very few people that are blessed with the family dynamic that I have. How many people can live with a sibling at my age? How many people consider their sister their best friend? How many people look forward to spending time with their parents? (Unless of course it is shopping with my mom, I never look forward to that). I have a kick ass family. Sometimes I am just reminded of how that isn't the norm. Which is too bad. I wish everyone could have the same.

I also have some of the best friends in the world. And I can appreciate that. There was a time when the friends I had weren't that great. The BFF is fantastic. We were driving home from the airport (his flight was late, again) and some how we got on the conversation of significant others meeting people. "You are always the first person they meet, then my brother... if they can past those two tests they are golden". It is the same for me... You meet the BFF first, if you pass that test, then you meet the family. Then there is Rexy Poo. I am rarely prouder of anyone. She has had some very hard times, but like me, chose not to dwell and become a victim, but be a survivor.

Then there is the BF, who is just fantastic. He doesn't put up with my random shit (I try to work with him on that, but he seems to be quite stubborn). He makes me laugh, and he makes my stomach flutter.

So that is what I am thankful for, the wonderful people in my life. I am glad after all of these years I am able to surround myself with people who compliment me and add to my life.

Oh yeah... I rarely have naughty dreams... rarely. So when they come on they are usually quite random and suprising... this one was the most random and surprising ever. Tisk Tisk.

God hates me, and maybe Jesus too

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Mine was fantastic, even though I lost the game of dominoes. And don't go getting all jealous. Yes my family plays dominoes. It is fantastic.

Why is it that certain exes follow me around? I mean I have one ex in my life that I am fine with, it is by choice... but the annoying ones that kind of just show up..

Dear god, please quit sending reminders of my past in the form of losers to me. I am aware that I made some poor decisions in my quest to prove things to myself and others. Is it necessary to send Reagan, the bigamist to my desk? Can't we just let bygones be bygones?

And Jesus, talk to your dad. Remind him that you love me. Kay? Thanks!

Hugs and kisses,
Me

At least I look kick ass today.

And the conversation since you asked so nicely

Reagan: I thought that was you, how are you.
Me: Great.
Reagan: Oh, well I'm doing good too.
Me: That's great
Reagan: Wow, you're just too talkative
Me: Oh I'm sorry, were we going to pretend to like each other? I thought we covered this when you stalked me at Beans
Reagan: I didn't stalk you. I just saw your car there
Me: So you stalked me
Reagan: I just wanted to say hi and see how you are
Me: Well that has been accomplished. Now if you don't mind I am rather busy this morning.
Reagan: God you always were a bitch
Me: Only to fuckers.
Reagan: You were the one that broke my heart
Me: We dated for like two months, give it up. Can't you go find one of your multiple wives and cry on her shoulder. Seriously this isn't the time nor is it the place. In fact this conversation doesn't need to be had.
Reagan: Maybe I will stop by your place and we can talk then.
Me: Do it. I'd love to test out my mace, I haven't had the chance to use it in so long.
Reagan: Like you would
Me: Try me
Reagan: Well I guess I should leave
Me: Probably
Reagan: Talk to you later
Me: Probably not

Yes... Claire got a huge kick out of it

And this is why

Me: I know you are a closet lover of ANTM
BF: Not even close, I have a better chance of marrying my ex-wife
Me: Which one?
Me: Oh SNAP
BF: At least I divorced them in a timely manner
BF: almost a whole presidental term went by for yours
Me: Nice

And we are hillarious

Tisk Tisk

Did I mention that yesterday after realizing that I am finaly free I got myself a little present? Well I did. It was a toss up. I really thought about finishing my tattoo. The first part of it I got done after I ended my marriage, the second part after I healed from what happened... it seemed fitting to get the final part done as I closed the chapter. And I will. But that isn't my present to me. This is



And I noticed that the picture makes my fingers look fat... which they aren't. I love the ring and feel it was money well spent. I love it more than my wedding ring, which I also paid for. Fancy that.

And tisk tisk to whoever is using threats and violence against the LDS church. I am infuriated with the church's involvement, but intimidation and acts of violence are not the answer. You have made yourself look worse then they have and given the entire cause a bad name.

Time to celebrate

Once I am no longer knocking on deaths door. Has anyone else contracted this nasty cold? I am pretty use to being sick, so it takes a lot to knock me out. This one has knocked me out cold.

But.... onto the celebration

As of October 28th, 2008... I am officially a single woman. I can now take my last name back, legally. It is such a wonderful feeling, knowing that the last tie I had to the worst part of my life is over.

Yes it took a long time... but it is so worth it. I was wondering if I ever actually would be divorced.

Thanks to all of those who have said we need to celebrate... you are right. I could throw one huge party... but I think I will let all of you take me out on your own. Hey.... three nights of drinking vs one... I'm not stupid.

Cept... No red wine. ;)

Equal Rights are not Different Rights

It wasn't too long ago that this nation went through the extreme process of desegregating. After years of seeing blacks as second class citizens this country finally made the decisions that "all men are created equal" didn't mean all men accept for those black ones.

So why is it that today, in our supposed informed times, we are going through the same type of segregation?

The passing of Prop 8 in California was much publicized. And for those of you that aren't aware... it wasn't the first such ban, nor will it likely be the last. But it was the first time that Utah's own LDS church became publically involved. The church solicited it's members to make donations.

Now the laws on being tax exempt actually do allow this, what isn't allowed is the endorsement of a specific candidate running for office. So what the church did is legally okay.

Funny thing about laws, they may make things legal, but they can't make them right.

Thursday evening my dear friend said to me "I am sick of all this news on prop 8, it passed, get over it". Now... I was surprised to hear this from her, because her father is gay. But I know where she is coming from. How defeating must it be to know that there are a majority of people in a state that feel that her father doesn't deserve the same rights as she? My response was that you should fight, never stop fighting.

What the church did was morally wrong. In their attempt to keep the "moral integrity" of marriage they solicited a campaign of hate. A campaign of bigotry. They asked their members to deny people of the same rights that they experience. Thank you LDS church for showing your true colors. In addition thanks to all the other congregations that are attempting to keep the sanctity of marriage. You all of shown exactly why it is that I don't attend church.

Sanctity of marriage, now if that isn't an oxy-moron in this day I don't know a better one. How is allowing two men (or two women) who have been together for a decade the right to marry breaking this? When we allow people to get married drunk in Vegas, and annul it 48 hours later? Where is the sanctity in that? Or how about the marriages between a man and a woman that end after months or even a year? I can say, with absolute honesty, my marriage wasn't one of sanctity.

Oh... but if we allow gay marriages then churches have to perform it? Really. Fuck me, that has to be true, cause you said it was. That is why the LDS church lets anyone get married in the temple. And they let woman hold the preisthood. That is why my parents church allows women to be pastors. Oh wait.... they don't? Well... they have to, cause of equality and all.

The end point of this is that we obviously haven't learned from our countries history. Equal rights do not mean different rights. So thanks LDS church and California for stripping citizens of their equal rights.

And the rally and protest on Friday....

It was fantastic. The turnout was triple what people thought it would be. There we stood; gay, straight, bi.... families, fathers, mothers, grandmothers, teenagers, single adults... all in agreement. My god loves all of us. My god doesn't discriminate. Keep your church out of our bedrooms. Equality will prevail.

Three years three weeks and five days later

I just found out that all my divorce paperwork is final. Now all I need is for the judge to sign off and I get my decree.

It is such a great feeling. I can't even begin to explain it. I am just free, and lighter, and happier, and just better. I am whole again.

And now when the fucker calls me for whatever fucked up reason... I can ignore him. I don't have to pretend to be nice or caring. I don't need anything else from him now. I could care less if he has no friends, has diabetes or drinks/snorts himself to death. It isn't my problem anymore. In all honesty it hasn't been my problem since he was forced to leave, but I have had to do my best to remain semi-pleasant so that this could be taken care of.

Hopefully the BF doesn't lose interest now that I am no longer going to be a married woman. ;) Now we can run to vegas and get married.

Young and wet or old and smelly?

I consider myself, and many would agree (or suffer some excruciating form of torture), that I am a fairly educated and active person when it comes to politics. I remember the first debate I ever watched (meaning payed attention to). I was 20, Bush was running against Gore. I was up at my current boyfriends dorm room sitting in the family room with his bff, Justin. Now why, you ask, was your boyfriend there. Well kiddos, it is a story that involves lies and Mexico and some girl. ;) But not the point.

Actually, what was the point?

I hate this election. I hate the ads, I don't like either candidate too much. I am just SICK of it all. I can't wait for it to be over.

And that makes me sick. Because I really do care. I get involved and stay informed. But this time.... there is nothing exciting going on. On the one hand we have a very inexperienced person who has some great ideas. On the other hand we have an old geezer who meets my fiscal requirements a little better. Ugh. Why did McCain pick Palin? I, the democrat I am may be voting republican if he had a better running mate.

And WTF, The Sox lose to last years worst team? Tisk Tisk. Shows what money gets you, and it isn't heart.

Get off my ass, that's what he said

This morning marks the second morning in a row where I almost rear-ended someone on 215. Sigh. I am normally not the type of driver that has these issues... but for some reason the last two mornings traffic has been worse than normal and I can't get the fuck out of the right lane. Every time I try to navigate my way out I end up slamming on my breaks as to not car fuck the person in front of me.

Maybe I should start leaving for work on time rather than 15 minutes later than I normally do.

Maybe I should go to bed at a decent hour so that I am not dragging ass in the morning.

Off to visit my favorite stylist and let her work wonders with my dull hair.

I'm pregnant, pass the broccoli

I called my mother yesterday to share some exciting news with her.

"Hey Mom, guess what"
"You're pregnant"
"Um, no"

So she snickered, meaning that she knew she did something funny and wanted acknowledgement of that fact. Ha. Tables are turning.

"I can't get pregnant mom"
"What do you mean"
"I don't have sex"
"Yes you do"
"No mom, I don't"
"Um, well. Really?"

Ha. Got her. Seriously, why does my mom worry about me not having sex? Shouldn't she be a typical mother and worry about me actually having it. Such is the world of my mother.

"So you're not pregnant"
"Mom, no"
"Okay, I guess I will die with no grandchildren"
"Overdramatic much"
"I'm getting old"
"Mother, you are 58, not 80, there is plenty of time for baby making"

This conversation,. or one similiar to it, occurs frequently. My mom wants little bambinos, and she doesn't care if the are unwanted and/or illegitimate.

The BFF is so right... Thanksgiving, we will see how they like it.

Quote this

Maybe more people will read this if... actually I have no idea what to do to gain readership. Occasionally I get depressed when my failing celebrity status is shoved in my face. Yes, I was, for a short while, a celebrity in the baby blog world (myspace). Any of you who remember that time may very well remember the breast feeding blog... where I got my teat... er... feet wet.

Alas, I have no popularity here. None.What.So.Ever.

That's okay. I will continue to write for myself, because, and you can quote me, I am the funniest bitch I know.

Onto something more interesting. I purchased and XBOX 360, and was quickly reminded as to why I had not done so earlier. 1. Way to confusing for a simple gal like me.
2. Gates wants to rape me by charging for extras that aren't really extras but necessities. 3. It is a blackhole for time, it sucks it and sucks it and never gives it back.

Old Lace and Arsenic and the Foxy Moxyzz... yeah those are two of the pseudo-bands that have been created. I have learned that the drums can be fun. And that Halls sucks at literally every single thing, but that really isn't new news. Oh Snap.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends

I heard something interesting today on NPR. In all actuality I hear many interesting things on NPR, which is why I renewed my membership, again. Shame to those that didn't. ;)

The guest on the show was Ted Koppel, who has just done a piece for the Discovery channel on a lynching that took place... not in the 50's or even 60's...but in 1981. To be fair, the show is more about how racism and lynching specifically have affected people.

I will tune in for the show because it intrigues me. But what I really found interesting is the idea that if Obama is elected there are a number of people that think that is a sign that racism is ceasing in America.

Um. Hello. What America do you live in? Racism is all around us. I see it everyday. Here in the state of Zion... there is a perverse racism against Hispanics. Because, of course, all Hispanics are illegals. Silly me.

All across this country there is racism against those of the Islamic fate. Because, of course, they all are going to commit a jihad.

It is utterly disillusioning yourself to believe that Obama being elected (if) has anything to do with us moving past racism in this country. I can only wish, hope and dream for that day. But I fear I won't see it in my life time.

Actually I fear we will never see it. I think racism will always be abundant. Racism is for the weak. And the weak are always looking for ways to make themselves feel superior. But for racism to completely dissipate... I just don't see that possibility.

But... that doesn't mean that we give up, or that we stand still. Just because I (or you) fear that racism will always exist doesn't mean we turn a blind eye. If anything it means we should fight harder.

I leave you with these words

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy" -MLK

Thank you, with love

For the most part I am a pretty liberal person. I do have limits to my liberal nature. I am not for a socialistic society. I am not a red-loving communist. I don't hate religion. I don't think that there should be a carte blanche pass on abortion. I don't think that those who have worked very hard for what they have should be taxed at a higher rate, for any reason.

So maybe, after all of that, I am not a liberal person as much as I am a middle of the road person. I am not going to talk about socialism today, because that will take far longer than I wanted to dedicate.

Bill Maher. Hate him. Always have. Thanks Mr. Maher, for becoming more of an idiot than Michael Moore.

The hypocrisy that surrounds him is unbelievable to me. He doesn't like religion. Fine. I don't really find myself very found of the organization myself. I also don't like ketchup, Mondays, stinky socks and loud farts. I don't jump on any possible reason to demean the people that do like those things. Sure, a joke here and there, but to make a entire movie poking fun at people that believe in something.

Wow. Maybe he didn't get enough hugs as a child.

Okay. Yes, there are many thing that have been done in the name of religion, some really poor choices. But there have also been many good things. I would also say that there have been just as many things done, poorly, in the name of a nation or love. So why pick on religion?

This is my problem with atheists. They can't just leave shit alone. Since they believe that there is nothing, no god, no higher power... they have to shit on anyone that does. Well guess what? You may be right, but you don't know it. Big Bang Theory. It is a theory, which means, it isn't proven. Isn't that the favorite argument? That there is no proof of god? Hmmm.

So Mr Maher, and other atheists out there. Believe what you want, please, I beg you to have that. But do not demean me or other people because their beliefs aren't the same. You have just put yourself in the same bucket as those you are against.

I will be rich

I am an adult. Certifiably. There is no contesting it. In fact, I have been an adult for ten years, at least by the law.

So someone explain to me why in the hell I still can't manage to take all my vitamins with out gagging?

Actually scratch that. This isn't my fault. It isn't natural to swollow something that large. (Peanut gallery, please refrain from making any comments in regards to my ability (or in this case dis) to swollow). Instead it is the fault of those who make the damn pills.

Seriously. Is it necessary that they are so large? I mean lets take the BC, a pill that prevents me from carrying a life for nine months, it is tiny. Sometimes I even wonder if I actually swollowed it. So why do our vitamins have to be so large.

Are the companies trying to make us feel better. Maybe they are thinking that we, the simple humans we are, will look at the pill and think "hey, this is huge, it must contain lost of vitamins and be very good for me". Pffft. Can anyone say conspiracy?

Who knows what they are thinking. Also, why do they have to be so chalky. H-E-L-L-O, let me introduce you to the gel cap, it is wonderful. Hmmm... actually forget you read this. Just look for small gel-cap vitamins in the near future. And buy them. You love me and will make me rich.

Rotting Oyster

Before I go into the actual blog... I must say this. WHAT IS WRONG WITH DRIVERS? I had to drive to Idaho for work today, which means I spent close to 7 hours just driving. But since I was in my nifty new car that has satellite radio... it wasn't too bad. What I wanted to do was throw something at the cars that were riding the left lane. Okay people... little lesson in driving etiquette. You DO NOT ride in the left lane. You PASS in the left lane. When you ride in that lane you fuck up my cruise control. And as cruise and I had a long separation I didn't appreciate the multiple interruptions.

So on to the big stuff.

Shelly sent me an email yesterday. Apparently we didn't miss our 10 year reunion. Someone called her parents house trying to get ahold of her. Um... hello? Where the fuck was my call? I was much more popular. ;) Kidding. But I am pissed no one called me.

10 fucking years. So where was I ten years ago? Well the world was my oyster. I was given a choice by my parents. I chose to stay in Utah and go to school. I was madly in love with a person I assumed was the "happily ever after". I had just started a new job. I was getting ready to attend a great college. I was living with my parents and had just got a new car. I wasn't talking to my best friend, we had a falling out over a guy. But I was happy. And I was skinny.

So where am I now?

Well I am older, much older. People call me ma'am. I don't always get an id check when I purchase beer. I have gray hair... lots and lots of gray hair. I am living with my sister. I just bought me a brand spanking new car that I love. I have a job that I love. I am with "happily ever after". I am just a few classes shy of my MBA. And I am barely talking to my previously mentioned best friend. I have the most fantastic friend ever. I am happy. Just not so skinny.

So the title is rotting oyster. Because... well... my oyster stunk. What transpired in these ten years to get me where I am now was hard. Failed relationship after failed relationship. I went through a horrible marriage. Shelly and I had another falling out, again, sort of over a guy. This time it was close to unrepairable. I worked for years in a job I loved but was underpaid and under appreciated. I lost who I am.

I am not, not even for a mili-second, complaining. Everything I went through made me who I am today. If it weren't for the failed relationships I wouldn't know what I want and deserve and I wouldn't be able to see that in the BF. If Shelly and I hadn't have parted ways I never would have met the BFF. I am living with my sister, and at times that is trying, but mostly I love it. I am finally in a job that I love and excel out (okay... I excelled at the other too). And Shelly and I are slowly building a friendship. It is different and it is refreshing.

I guess the moral of this story is that the world may be an oyster... but you don't have to settle for the first one you get. If it starts to smell funky, throw it away and get a new one.

Hatred

It's time for me to vent.... and instead of giving you multiple vent blogs I will get all of it out in one silly little thing.

I hate when incompetent people manage to act competent enough to get a job. And they stay just long enough to royally fuck things up. I have no issue picking up the slack. I am a team player and I know stepping up will beneift me. But... it sucks that it is now when my own work load is horinduous and when school is out of control. I just want to take some time off.... from everything.

I hate when people believe, and I mean BELIEVE, that they are better than everyone else. You are a no-good-peice-of-shit-excuse. Take your attitude and shove it. I actually felt sorry for you, now I feel nothing.

I hate people that allow themselves to be victims. And then turn into the problem.

Ahhhh... goodnight.

Hello, my name is....

Lindsey. And I like The Hills. *GASP*. Yes, I am going on 30 and watch a drama about people in their earlier 20s. I won't even begin to analyze that one. The point is that I love the show, no matter how distasteful that love is.

I will say this. If my boyfriend EVER just even thought about talking to my family the way Spencer does to Hiedi's.... well let's say it wouldn't be pretty. I can't help but wonder if god forgot to give Heidi common sense when he was handing it out. The girl is stupid. And so was I once, a long time ago. Maybe that is why I am so attracted to this show. I see a little of myself in Heidi. And no it isn't the blech blonde hair, fake lips or fake tits.

And...

When in a funk, I suggest you go to the following website lol cats

It will entertain you for hours.

I'm having a bad "me" day

Seriously. I have entered a funk. I went to bed at a very reasonable hour but still couldn't get up this morning. I haven't felt like this in awhile. The worst part about it is not really understanding where it is coming from.

Likely it is because I am stressed. Work is out of control busy and there is no end in sight. I am picking up the peices of a bad employment choice and it gets me annoyed. This class in school is killing me. More reading and writting than ever before. While it is a subject I really enjoy I just can't commit to it.

And I don't want to be in Utah anymore. I just want out. I go through this occassionally.... hating Utah. There is no specific reason, no way that it is brought on. I just start hating it here.

It will all pass, just as it always does.

And the hits keep coming

Ah, yet another reason to be, er, um, proud?

Doh! No more Beer!! It's the method of the devil."

WHAT? There is nothing that says college football like a cold one. In fact, for me, it is an excuse to have a delicious beer at 10am in the morning (don't judge, my team is in the central part of the country).

And no surprise about who is leading this... well some surprise. What the hell is the U's athletic director doing? Doesn't he know that the U is the liberal-going-to-hell college? I mean... what kind of message are you sending to young high school students? Being in cohorts with the Y. Shame shame.

Seriously though... never happen. First reason, MONEY talks. It talks loud and it talks fast. Second reason... BEER RULES. It's an American tradition, getting beer drunk watching college football. Dear lord, please don't take that away from me.

And come one. Why in the world did Utah colleges have to lead this fight? Why do we continue to want to be the moral compass of the country? I am going to say this for the umptenth time..... alcohol is not bad. People all over the country drink it and manage to do so fine. They don't pay for "memberships" and they don't buy their alcohol for state ran stores. And it works. I can say that we, on average, suffer from the same outcomes as states that have more liberal drinking laws. But.... Some long time ago (not at the conception) someone in some church decided that alcohol was the fuel of the devil. This was of course after this church had been brewing their own booze. Silly god, sending angels to speak to people.

One of the guys, and other ways to not attract men

I hate hearing it. In all honesty I hate when women complain at all about not being able to attract men. Attraction is natural, you can't force it. If someone isn't attracted to you, well they aren't attracted to you. Accept it and move on.

The worst form of this complaint is when a woman complains that she can't attract men because or even though she is one of the guys. I have a friend who was making this complaint to me. She said being one of the guys wasn't working for her. I looked at her dumbfounded. What does she understand the phrase to mean?

Before I go any further let me say I find nothing at all wrong with being one of the guys. Infact, I usually consider myself so. I get along well with men because for the msot part I don't fall into the category of stupid girl (although I do have my moments).

Being one of the guys means exactly that, they see you as another friend, a girl that doesn't have all the girl problems. It means that they can hang out with you, do fun things with you, and be themselves around you. It means that they appreciate your ability to just be their friend.

It is not a stepping stone into a relationship. If you think it is then you should look at your approach.

And what is this obsession with attracting people that aren't attracted to you? Attraction is immediate. It doesn't really grow. You don't look at someone who doesn't attract you and think, "hmmm... maybe in time". Or maybe you do. I'd say if you do that your are heading down the path of most resistence.

Attraction that grows or is forced is likely fleeting. We are attracted to people for all sorts of reasons. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, comedically (is that even a word?).

I am not saying that there aren't circumstances where being one of the guys leads to dating a guy, I've had it happen in the past. It also didn't work. Because you are consider one of the guys. You aren't allowed to be one of the girls. A man that build attraction for you based on you being one of the guys will lose that attraction when he can't see you as such anymore.

Of course this is all in my very humble opinion.

The hypocricy of it all

Utah. Land of the mormans. Land of the temple, not to be mistaken with Disneyland. I try not to offend. But... I'm gonna. So if you are easily offended stop reading now. There really is no need to subject yourself to something you know will offend you.

Around the 24th of July, our State's biggest holiday there was a trajic "accident". A 52 year old man was experiementing with "fireworks" and a 10 year old boy was hit with shrapnel and is currently in a medical induced coma. The boy will never heal fully, he will always have to walk with a cane, that is if he doesn't lose his leg.

As you notice, I said "accident" and "fireworks". I actually don't believe this is a true accident. Now, I am not saying that this man set out with a purpose of hurting the child, but... come on. This was not accidental. This was negligence. This man knew what he was doing. He knew the inhert risk associated with his homemade "firework" (actually described by police and ATF as a IED).

What makes me sick, I mean what really turns my key.... "He's asked for forgiveness, it was an accident". This is what people here are saying. People that, no doubt, belong to the same religion as he does. A religon that believes that once a person has asked for forgiveness or has repented that it is in god's hands and not those of the law. This is the same religion that has protected child abusers because they "were sorry". The same religion that will stand up for their own but are quickest to persecute others.

And people wonder why I don't like religion anymore?

The weirdest things

So I have one email account that I keep strictly personal. I don't sign up for shit with it.... only friends and family have it. I have been able to keep the junk mail down, almost non-existent.

Then tonight I get the weirdest email ever. Weird because it wasn't typical spam. There were no "click here" or Viagra offers. Just an email, addressed only to me from someone I don't know. And it was an article. A weird article, considering. Interesting.

I just finished a fantastic book recommended to me by a friend. "Secrets From An Escort". Now when it was first recommended I thought it would be some silly book about what women need to do to please a man. I mean the woman who wrote it was an escort, she was paid for her services, so I assumed that it was all about the man.

I was wrong, very wrong. It was more about our sexuality, men and women. It was about the pressures that society and our own self's put on about sex. It went in depth into the psychological aspects of sex and all the things in between.

Of course there will nice little ideas for intensifying sex. But it wasn't focused solely on intensifying the pleasure of a man but intensifying your own pleasure.

And she is actually a very educated woman.

But...

It started me thinking about the sex industry: Porn, prostitution and escorts. Yes I don't lump prostitution and escorts together. For me they are two entirely separate "occupations". Prostitution is all about oppression for me. Woman that are prostitutes are working the streets, they are performing blow jobs in cars and such. I am not attempting a "holier than thou" attitude, but it is degrading to the woman. I don't feel that prostitutes get into the profession for the love of it. I think that statistically speaking (I don't have them, I just like the way that sounds), prostitutes are by nature desperate. They are runaways, castaways, people "wronged" by society. They may be drug addicts or victims of sexual abuse as children. They ran from something in an attempt to escape and ended up on the streets, performing fellatio to survive.

Escorts are different. Foremost they are paid more. I am not going to go as far and say that they aren't selling their body for money, because when it is all boiled down, they are. But... they are making choices. The men that hire escorts are likely a different breed then the men that hire prostitutes.

It could be a hypocritical, my belief that the two professions are different. But I hold it to be true.

To me.... (this means it is strictly my opinion) escorts are making the choice, prostitutes (while inherently it usually is a choice) aren't.

Anyways, long blog to mention an email and a wonderful book.

Mediocracy

I am so tired of reading. And when i saw reading I mean reading chapter after chapter on the newest and greatest business practice. Or reading that new book my boss purchased that talkes about how to seperate wants and needs and find benifits.

All of these books are important, the educate me on how to better do my job, how to become one step closer to ruling the world.

But they give me no satisfaction. It is studying rather than reading. And it causes other strife. Instead of finding a truly fascinating and meaningful book to read in the little spare time I own I look for a quick and dirty read that will satisfy (even if only momentairly) my need to read.

I want to read some of the greats. I have never read Catcher in the Rye or 1984. Some how I missed out on those books in highschool. That isn't to say I didn't read some of the greats (or no so greats depending on your outlook). Off the top of my head here is what I remember reading in highschool. I took advance English classes so I may have skipped what others read.

Grapes of Wrath
Romeo and Juliet
King Lear
Othello
Hamlet
Jane Eyre
Portriat of an Artist as a Young Man
The Scarlett Letter
The Great Gatsby
Wuthering Heights
Return of the Naive
Crime and Punishment
Metamorphisis
Of Mice and Men
The Odyssey
A Tale of Two Cities
The Glass Managerie
Madame Bovary
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
The Call of The Wild
The Old Man and The Sea
The Red Badge of Courage
The Sound and The Fury
There Eyes Were Watching God
To Kill A Mockingbird
Uncle Toms Cabin

That's all I can think of. And it's a lot. There were years after highschool where I refused to pick up a book that would take more than just mear reading. But no I long for it. I am not going to jump right in and get War and Peace. But maybe it's time to visit some of the classic I missed.

What if's

For some reason today seemed to be the day of "what if's". Every where I turned someone was asking me a "what if". Well not every where I turn, but screw you, this is my blog and I will overexaggerate if I want.

What if your mom or dad read your blog?
-Well now wouldn't that be an interesting topic? First of all they would have to be savvy enough to understand blogging and find me. Second of all... well I guess it would make for interesting Sunday Dinner conversation. Honestly my parents love me, no matter what. Even if I am not the god-fearing-church-going girl they may wish I was. They don't care as long as I am happy and safe.

What if you never quit being friends with her?
-I am still friends with her, just not like we use to be. And I'm okay with that, all of the time. There were months where I worried and wondered, then I realized. "Hey, look at me, I'm doing great". And who gives a shit about the rest of it. Plus maybe I wouldn't have met the BFF, and that would be the real travesty.

What if you never met the BFF?
-I'd never know what I was missing, I'd still be in that hole. And thank god I do know what I'd be missing. Seriously. I can't even explain it. We just mesh, all the time. Even when he is an asshole and I am a bitch. Wait.. maybe that is why we mesh.

What if you never got married?
-Who knows? God what's with all the questions? Belive me, I'd take back getting married if I could. I'd take back the one fateful night where I made the decision to throw caution into the wind. I would take it all back and trade it for not having to live through what I did, I'd be insane not to (shut up peanut gallery). That all being said, I am a better person for it. I have learned and lived and loved and survived. The biggest part of that being I survived. I am a better person now. I am me, I wouldn't change that for the world.

What if you never met the BF?
-I'd probably still be settling and making mistakes. I wouldn't be able to appreciate how beautiful I am or how great I can be in a healthy wonderful relationship. I won't say I wouldn't be happy, because I would be, I just wouldn't be the happy I am now. I wouldn't be a lot of things, but I would still be me. He doesn't make me who I am, he doesn't complete who I am, he lets me be who I am which is why I love him. Compliment people, compliment not complete. If you can grasp that concept you will understand it all.

What if you didn't have brown eyes?
-I guess I'd have to find a new blog name now wouldn't I. Then I'd have a different titled blog that no one read.

Enough with the "what if's". I don't live my life for what could be. I live my life for what it is.

When things change

A little history is needed, or maybe it isn't needed but I will provide it none the less.

I forced myself to be celibate on two seperate occassions. The first time was after I left my ex husband and lasted for just under a year. I felt that it would have been far to easy for me to jump into bed and ignore some of the problems I had.

The second bout was forced a few months after the first session ended. Because I learned that while I had remained celibate for almost a year I had done nothing to deal with my issues and fears in regards to relationships and sex.

I am not sure if I had really dealt with my relationship issues. And maybe I didn't really have any I just was waiting for the right person (enter the wonderful BF).

During the forced celibacy I managed to deal with some of the issues I can thank my ex-husband for. I have never really openly discussed all of the problems and maybe at some time I will be able to. But this forced period of time helped me understand very important things.

So how is it that I was able to go so long with out sex and be okay and now the idea of going without it for more then a few days cause strife?

It could be that now I have wonderful sex with the BF.

It could be that what we don't have we don't want.

Who knows.

But when I have to go with out it because I am traveling or whatever... I hate it. And I think about it constantly because I know I am not going to have it.

Hopefully this doesn't make it sound like my relationship is only about sex, because it isn't. Far from it. Which is maybe what makes the sex so much better.

My **Insert title here** is better then yours

Seriously.

On Saturday the BF came over to help my father rebuild the gate for my sister's fence. Yes. My BF helped build the fence for my sister's house. Not my house. My sister's house. Just saying. It was my father and my BF, that is all. There is something hidden there. He spent five hours in the HOT ASS sun working. He didn't have to but he did. Best BF ever.

Yesterday I went to pick up the BFF from the airport. Lucky for me it was earlier then normal and no delays. Woot Woot. So there I am sitting the the park and wait. I turn off my car as there are signs all over that say no engine idling. What I don't notice is that my lights are on. I have my radio on but hey, no big deal. The BFF calls and says that he has got his bags. I go to turn the key and "click click click". Nothing. Mother fucker. So I call the BFF and cry to him. He then takes off and walks from the terminal to my car in the rain, carrying luggage. It ended up being the battery. Best thing ever? As he is getting ready to check under the car (looking for the starter at this point) he says to me "This shirt cost me $35 dollars".

There's no place like home

And where is home? If you were to take the time spent in places I've lived, Utah would win. Utah would be home. If you were to make the decision based on where my family is, Utah would win. Utah would be home.

So why doesn't it feel like home? When it is so obviously home?

Everytime I travel back to the midwest, that is when i feel home. It is the weirdest thing. All my immediate family is her, the man I love, my friends... but when I set foot in the midwest, I am taken back by home it just speaks to me.

The humidity is hell, the weather is a mess.... but it just feels right.

I wonder if anyone else from there feels the same.

My eyes are brown I tell you!

It has been a long time since I felt a certain "Wasted Emotion" as I like to refer to it. I mean a very long time. I think, if I had to be exact, the last time I felt it was when I was barely twenty. I chalked it up to being young and unsure of myself. And I always had assumed I outgrew it.

Because I hadn't felt it since. No matter who I was with, I never felt it.

Yes, I am talking about the green-eyed monster. That little bitch of an emotion that really is wasted. Hate it. Detest It. Don't want it.

So why, all of a sudden, did it reappear. I just have gone these, oh, seven years assuming that I was above it. I would always tell people who were feeling it that they were being silly, being insecure. I mean you should completely trust your significant other if you have a stable relationship and if you trust them... well you shouldn't feel jealousy.

So lets dissect this, because it will be fun.

Do I trust my significant other? Yes. There is no doubt there. I trust him with my heart, which is more important than just trusting him with my life. I trust my doctor with my life. Anyways, off track.

So I trust him. I love him. I believe in us.

So why?

Because I learned something new. It isn't about trust. And maybe, just maybe, I was wrong this whole time. Maybe jealousy isn't a wasted emotion. Bear with me, I'm getting to the huge "AH HA" moment.

The last time I felt jealousy was with the last person I actually really cared about. I mean really cared about, not just pretended to care, not had to care. The difference between him and all the people in between is that I never really cared. I didn't even really care for my ex-husband, which is a different story for a different time.

And the current BF. Well... I care for him beyond what I had imagined was possible. I am not trying to say that MLo wasn't an important part of my life, and that I didn't care for him enough. I am just pointing out the difference, which might not be relevant.

But the big "AH HA"... jealousy isn't about a lack of trust. It is about loving someone so much and knowing that because you love them so much that someone else might see what you see. That someone else might find the same things you found. That someone else might find they want that to.

It isn't about not being secure, its about being so secure that you know how important it is.

So jealousy, you little green bitch, I got your cards now.

So how am I still above jealousy? I recognized it and moved on. I didn't cause a seen. In fact, I'd say he doesn't even know. Because I took the jealousy and filed it a way. I placed it in that area of my brain where I think about and move on.

Yeah I am That lucky

Saturday the BF and I decided to go meet my BFF and unrelated roomie at the Jazz Festival. As you know (or maybe you don't know, look at me...ASSuming) I am a huge support of the local arts community. Huge. I donate lots and lots of time. But... I was very irritated that at 8:30pm they wanted to charge us each $10 to get in. WHAT? I don't really care for Jazz music (ugh, that one Jazz musician I dated would love to hear that), it sounds nice and calm, but.... I don't feel much of a need to pay to listen to it. And.... we had what? 2 hours left?

Last year the BFF and I went to the Jazz Festival every night. That is where he introduced me to the unrelated roomie. So it was our anniversary of sorts. But... last year I could have sworn we didn't pay. I mean... I KNOW we didn't.*

But I paid anyways because I wanted to hang out with the BFF since we hadn't hung out in ages. The BF and I are getting off the bike when what do I see with my own eyes? My parents convertible wondering down the street looking, desperately, for a place to park. So I call out to them, we have a mini conversation and agree to meet up.

Yes. I just invited my parents to hang out with us. Why? Because they rock. Seriously ask anyone. I have the coolest parents ever. And my dad buys me booze, sometimes. But not if it is before noon.

*I later remembered that last year I had VIP passes, that's why BFF and I came every night. Silly.

Glancing Back

Two years ago I was a different person. I was in a horrible place in my life. I was running away from everything, hiding from demons, pretending I was okay. I lost my best friend. I won't take all the blame there, and I won't hold a grudge. I'd actually say that losing her friendship was the best thing for both of us. She was able to live her life like she wanted and I was finally forced to take a good look at mine.

And I also have to thank the place I was at for giving me my BFF. If I had been in a better place, or a worse place, would've things been different?

It's funny, looking back and seeing the way nature took its course. If we had both been in different places we likely would have fucked up what has turned out to be the best thing ever for both of us. Two people, at a crossroads in their life, thrown together. And what did we do? We grew. We complimented each other and allowed each other to move past the anger and pain towards the light.

How do you place a title on something as important as that?

You hear, often, that people believe that someone entered their life for a reason. And while I have mostly agreed I never had really felt that. Until my BFF. Throwing caution and reason into the wind gave me the person who allowed me to find myself again.

I wonder how much he knows about this, does he understand the importance he played in my life? It wasn't so much by the things he did or said (although he did and said very wonderful things) but it was just being there. He was the first person I allowed in after shutting so many people out. And he allowed me to finally understand what it would take to let other people in.

I can't completely thank him for my transformation, but I can thank him for unknowingly giving me hope to care again. Hope to love again. With out him I don't think I'd be able to give the person I love now as much as I do. With out him I probably would've settled for alone or settled for less than what I deserve.

The point of this is that closing yourself off seems like a wonderful idea, but in so many ways, opening yourself up is the answer.

Glad to met you

I am in the Denver Airport, and have been since about 2pm. I got done earlier then I expected and the airlines didn't feel like being nice to me. Even after I told them I use to be an agent.

So I am sitting in the one bar in this airport, next to a light so I can plug my laptop in, listening to the silly people around me. Thank god for Fat Tire.

101 Random Things About Me.

1. My mom was in labor for almost 13 hours. The doctor told her that if she didn't have me by midnight they would do a c-section. I was born at 11:58pm. So... I've been stubborn since birth.

2. I get the weirdest compliments from different beauty aide people. My hair stylist: You have strong hair, I love it. My waxer: you have perfect brow shape. My nail lady: God I love your nail beds.

3.I've never broken a bone.

4. But I bruised my tail bone bad in elementary school slipping off the fireman's pole.

5. And I've torn the ligaments in my right ankle three times.

6. And sprained the same ankle four times.

7. I'm a klutz and hate pain. Except for when it involves sports. Then I can tolerate almost any pain. Like the time I took a line drive, hit by a man, to the right of my shin. I went to the doctor because it was so swollen, he said half an inch to the left and I would have shattered the bone.

8. I once had second degree burns on the front of my body because I fell asleep on the beach (it was cloudy). I had to stay home from work for three days because my legs were so swollen. You can still see the tan line.

9.I am the least organized person I know but somehow I manage to know where everything is.

10. I inherited a deep Midwestern accent and occasionally it comes out. And my family laughs since none of them have it.

11. I can always fall asleep on the plane. No matter how tired or not tired I am. How bumpy the flight is. People hate me for it.

12. I can do the same thing in the car. I had to since we took very long (14 hour) car rides as children.

13. While my sister and I are very close, I hated her bratty ass when she was younger.

14. I have never played dumb to get the guy.

15. I was teachers pet in my math class. All three years. My old math teacher gave my brother extra credit for bringing me to see him.

16. I wasn't popular in high school, but everyone knew me.

17. I didn't start my love affair with heels until my early twenties.

18. I now own about 53 pairs of shoes.

19. My parents are the happiest married people I know.

20. It makes me happy. And gives me hope.

21. I hate fish. But use to love fish sticks as a kid. Now the smell of tartar sauce makes me wanna puke.

22. I also hate ketchup and mayo. So fry sauce is the devil.

23. I dip my fries in mustard.

24. I haven't had a bologna sandwich since I was 8.

26. My last name sounds very German, but my heritage is actually more Russian.

27. I have huge feet, size 10 (that's big for a girl).

28. My legs are longer than most people taller then me. My dad is close to 6'5" and I have legs that are just as long as his.

29. Those people that are really close to me, I have NO secrets from them. I tell them everything.

30. As much as I bitch about living in SLC, it is as much a home as it can be.

31. Every once in a while I long to go back to Nebraska. I don't know if I could ever live there again, but when I got back I wonder.

32. I have about 35 cousins. And no I am not morman.

33. I attended two elementary schools, four middle schools and two high schools.

34. I lived in Washington State for about 9 months (that is a long estimate).

35. Even though I grew up in humid climates I now hate humidity.

36. My hair has a natural wave and if I do it right it is almost a curl.

37. Speaking of hair. Mine comes in 80% gray. So I spend a lot of money on dying.

38. I have a permanent retainer on my lower teeth.

39. I wore braces for four years. Before I could get braces I had to have five teeth pulled.

40. Novocain has no effect on me. The dentist said it was pressure I was feeling. I screamed the whole time.

41. I haven't been to the dentist in years.

42. I have the best vision in my family.

43. I have had surgery to fix my sinus, to remove my nostrils and if things don't shaped up I might have to get shunts in my ears.

44. I go to church twice a year, Easter and Christmas.

45. I use to be very active in church, went every week, attended youth group.

46. Moving to SLC and dealing with the overly religious culture out here turned me off from all forms of religion.

47. I still do believe in god.

48. I only have a handful of freckles on my body. My mom is covered in them.

49. My ex husband passed out on the hotel room floor on our wedding night.

50. So I rented a porn. ;)

51. For years I swore off the idea of having children.

52. My mother begs for grandchildren. Although I am not as old as she was when she had me.

53. My dad wants grandchildren badly too.

54. I cry when I watch those Humane Society commercials. And I usually call and make a donation.

55. I have wicked aim when it comes to mace.

56. I have a deformed tooth. Instead of having the four prongs it has five.

57. I have properly hiding all but one of my tattoos from my father.

58. I hate my feet.

59. I love my eyes.

60. Sometimes I still pray.

61. I harbor no ill thoughts towards one of my exes, and most people can't understand why.

62. I am deathly afraid of moths.

63. Then spiders.

64. Then heights.

65. Sometimes I get anxious in elevators.

66. Which sucks since I have to ride one everyday at work.

67. For the first time in, well ever, I really love my job.

68. Traveling for work isn't glamorous. I am not sure why people think it is.

69. I hate people that gossip.

70. Sometimes I do.

71. I still hate the idea of "failing" my parents.

72. I hate the idea of failing myself more.

73. I am a much better person than I was five years ago.

74. And I can thank a specific person for that.

75. I think more like a male then a female.

76. I have a horrible temper. Luckily I can control it. Mostly.

77. I've been dating the same wonderful man for close to three months. We haven't had a real argument.

78. I love bananas. I could have one with every meal.

79. I LOVE Brussels sprouts.

80. I wont eat cooked carrots or celery.

81. I've never tried veal.

82. I tried duck for the first time this year.

83. I have the worst gag reflex of anyone I know.

84. My sisters gag reflex is almost as bad as mine.

85. I am a sympathy puker, the smell, sound or look of vomit will induce vomit.

86. I am also a sympathy cryer.

87. I am highly allergic to cats, but we have three.

88. I have a soft heart for animals in need. If I had more room I'd have more animals.

89. I don't really like popcorn.

90. I am the worlds worst speller.

91. I love everything about rain, the smell, the feel.... Rain makes me smile.

92. I never drink enough water

93. I am a daddy's girl.

94. I tell my mom almost everything.

95. I was named after the bionic woman.

96. The doctor swore I was a boy based on the heartbeat and things they used before ultrasounds. I was caught in a blue blanket.

97. I have never TP or egged a house. Though my house went through both multiple times.

98. I have never been in an accident.

99. I didn't get my first ticket until I was 26.

100. I thanked the Nebraska State Trooper after he was done.

101. Then I forgot about the ticket... for a year. Luckily the county in Nebraska didn't charge me more than the actual amount.

LIfe on the road

I am addicted to scratch lotto tickets. This is what living in Utah has done to me. I get to a state that allows this dirty wonder and I go insane. Especially the bingo and crossword ones. Dear god, help me. Oh well, they are at least fun.

And why is it that all hotels have the same hotel smell? This, to me, is comforting and weird at the same time. Do hotels all get together and decide what smell must haunt their hallways? And what is the smell? Is it the smell of thousands of bodies coming in and out of the doors?

Who knows. But it is always the same. Regardless of the city and regardless of the chain.

And I am driving a mid-90's baby blue crown vic. It's... well its what it is.

Okay, I am off to the gas station to turn in my tickets.... and likely get more.

Happily Ever... Something

Once upon a time, in a far off kingdom, five princesses got together for drinks. It wasn't often, with duties of their kingdoms, that the beautiful and fair princesses were able to get together. With home and husband, the princesses had busy schedules.

As it always is with beautiful princesses, the discussion lead to that of the bedroom.

One princess exclaimed "before I married the prince we went out and had a good time"

Another princesses agreed and added "before I married the prince he sent me flowers all the time"

The third princess said "before I married the prince we had romance, he'd light candles and undress me"

The fourth princess exclaimed "before I married the prince we made love and didn't just have sex.

The fifth princess stayed silent listening to all her married princess friends.

The moral of this not-so-fairy-tale is that sometimes people forget all of the small things that add up to the meaning of it all.

When people get caught up in the day to day grind that is being a couple or being a family, certain things get pushed aside.

Why is it that men (in general, not in every circumstance) forget those small things? The princesses continued to debate the question as fruity drinks were replenished. A wise queen would advise that the prince was wooing the princess, making the best of all he had to offer. Once the princess had fallen for him and invested her heart and body the prince no longer would feel the need to continue the wooing.

But is it always this way? Aren't there the princesses that will tell you that life can always be this way. That marrying the prince isn't the end to the beauty that was dating?

Dating is always and will always be a game. We are all setting ourselves up to be the best we can be, call it survival of the fittest for dating. If the person we are pursuing doesn't see us as the "perfect catch" why will they continue to chase?

A princess mentioned "I've tried to keep it alive" but she felt she had failed. No matter how many lacy ensembles or candles she lit, her prince wasn't interested in romance.

Some would argue that it is genetic. Sex is really, when you strip it bare, instinctual. We pick a mate that will produce what we consider to be suitable offspring. So once the wooing has taken place and the prize has been captured, it no longer really is about making love but making life.

So what did the fifth princess learn?

Leave the dumb bastard. Don't settle for less then what you deem best.

Bank Error in your favor, collect $200

I love my bank. They pay me interest on my checking account and pay me a % back on my check card.

Today I was bored so I thought I'd see where the rewards balance was. I usually wait and redeem it once a year and go have fun with it. I make a point to pay as much as I can with my checkcard so I can get these rewards.

Your Reward Balance : $2.24.

Hmmm... after a year I usually have something like $40. Interesting.

So I decide to call

Agent: Well we changed that program in August of 2008, now it's only on selected retailers online.

me: August of 08?

Agent: Yes.

Me: So today is July 7th of 08.

Agent: "Yes ma'am".

Me: snicker snicker "Okay, well I'd like to thank you for letting me know the program changed, I really appreciate your due diligence in educating customers about program changes".

Agent: "Um, well, Um"

Me: "Um, good bye.

The worst part, she still didn't get that she had the date wrong. Silly!

Grrr... no free pair of shoes for me. Maybe I will sign up for the Harley card. Then I might get a chance to win a Harley.

I am not looking forward to the next two weeks. Now that we finally hired an administrative assistant I am able to really focus on my job. Which means I get to travel. Alot. But not fun travel. I don't get to go to real cool places. Nope. This week it is to Garden City, KS. Where is that? Good question, I'll let you know when I get there. Next week I get to conduct a minor tour of Iowa. Which sounds just about as exciting as watching mold grow on cheese. The good thing about next week is that I am going to extend my trip and visit my grandparents.

I hate driving by myself. I get bored quite easily, and now that I am an exsmoker.... there is nothing to pass the time. So I went to the library and checked out a number of books on cd. I may have went a little wild. I have about 72 hours of books. But at least I will be entertained.

Oh I love when people call me at work and as this "what are you doing".

Really? Seriously? What do you think I am doing?

The answer is writing a silly blog.

Funniest Thing Ever

Well not the first part. The first part is a side story. And I have just noticed that the "a" on my keyboard is on vacation.

Today at 10:30am I called in a refill on my prescription. I called it in so I could pull through the drive-thru on my lunch and pick it up. Seems to make adequate sense to me. So at 12:30 I pull through. "Um, you will need to come back in twenty minutes". Now if I had pulled through asking for my prescription to be refilled, I would have had no problem, but I had called it in, two hours ago. They had told me it would be ready in an hour. "Um, I called that in two hours ago". She stood there, dumbfounded looking at my through the window. "Well our wait is an hour, so come back in twenty". To which I hissed and drove off. Someone should teach her how to tell time.

So at 2:30 I go back. "Do you have insurance?" (Same dim-whit). "Um, yes". What is this? Do I have insurance? I am pretty sure that when they pull my account up they see that. "Okay your total is $166.45". "WHAT? It has always been $40". Again with the dumbfounded look. "Well it is a three month supply" Apparently she thought I meant it was $40 each month filled. Now someone needs to teach her math. "Right, and it is always $40. TOTAL". "OH" Of course dumbfounded look. "Well the price went up". Hmmm.. this is interesting. "Why is that?" I mean seriously do I have to ask for a detail description? "Because there is a generic". Oh okay. "Um, then fill the generic" "Okay, that will be twenty minutes". Violence. I wanted to be violent. The thing is I know that my insurance makes them fill a generic. So instead of just doing that they were going to charge me the full cost. Seriously, who doesn't get the generic?

The good part? Now my prescription is $10!

Now on to funniest thing ever.

I was at lunch with some lady friends and we got on the topic of faces and noises made by males during the final act. Now I imagine that we woman make just as funny of faces, but I can't see my face, well unless that mirror is pulled out. ;)

So we all tried to recreate the faces and noises made by partners we have had. I win with the "EEEE EEEE EEEE EEEE EEEE" noise made by one guy. Now say that short of breath and high pitched (like a school girl). When all of the girls were in tears with my rendition I followed with "thank god he couldn't see my face".

My Favorite Place

Ahhh, the deliciousness that is Beans and Brew. Nothing is better than sitting here attempting to be productive and do homework while sipping delicious coffee.

I walked in and heard this "LINDSEY, I haven't seen you in forever".

Sad you say? Nah. They give me free pastries. Like I need them.

What sucks is when someone you don't want to see walks in. Maybe that is why I was avoiding the place.

Ewww Girls

I hate being a girl. This is not what the blog is all about, just a small part of it. And I want to hear no noise from the peanut gallery about how boys have it hard too. No you don't. And using boners for a reason is not valid. I will respond by saying once a week, once a month. That beats your boner any day.

Last week a local news station posted a story on a woman arrested. Now I have complained before about the fucktards I find on there but I can't seem to stay away. I know, deep down inside, that no matter what intelligence I try to share, people are going to stay in their Utah Shells and live life how they feel fit. Great for them. Live in the bubble, be unaware, more power to ya.

But then I saw this comment:

"Woman are not angels and I blame a lot of societies ills on women. It was women who decided to leave their families, their children in the care of strangers to raise while they go to "work" to make money. It is women who jump in the sack with any man without requiring even a single iota of commitment from the men thus producing a generation of fatherless lunk heads. Women have control over the men. They think they don't. They've been led to believe that the men are controlling and oppressing the women but it is the women that control the men. If a woman wouldn't hop in the sack with some dude on a first date or shack up like an un paid [removed], but would actually require the man to be a man and act like a man and be committed to her through marriage, maybe our society would be different.

I don't worship women. I love women but I don't worship them as our society does. Women have a lot to answer for in regards to the woes of our society and people. Men do to but I think when it comes down to the demise of the family the culpability rests right on the shoulders of our women."

And I could literally feel my blood boiling. How dare he! I mean fucktard, what the fuck? So of course I had to respond:

"Let's blame it all on women. I mean we have been taught that since we were little. Eve gave Adam the apple, original sin was the woman's fault.

In your opinion woman are good only when they stay home and raise families having nothing in life other than what their husband gives them? So how is that control? Feminization has not led to the unmoral society that we live in (which I won't argue). The fault lies with both parents, parents that are more interested in being liked by their children then being parents. I thank god that my parents had more sense. Fathers that don't care and allow the woman to do all the parenting are just as much a problem as having no father at all, sometimes even worse, especially when it comes to raising girls.

But to push blame on woman for wanting something more to life then tidying the home and caring for children is ill-based.

Men are allowed to do it all but woman must stay home and be perfect? This ideal is the reason that woman revolted. If you, as a man, feel that there is such a huge need for someone to stay home with the kids, then do it yourself. Just because society use to believe that woman had to remain home and "mother" or because religion teaches us from an early age the "place" of a woman, does not make it right."
But that can't be the end of it. Nope. He responds:

"I can tell that you are an angry woman, tormented in your mind spewed forth by the lies of feminists. You've lost your true identity of what a woman should be. Read my response to Mrs. Sparkles and tell me you still disagree with me.

By the way, I do agree with most of your post. Men, are just as culpable as women. However, I don't worship women. They have just as much blame as do the men. I don't subject myself to the feminist belief that men are evil and women are perfect.

Your anger is very disturbing. Why so angry?"

Ugh, yes I was angry. Anyone that disagrees with his "gospel" must be angry.

"More like annoyed of your oppressive views. Lies of feminists? What lies? Lies that we are equal to men, that we deserve the same rights as they have, the same opportunities that they have, the same pay that they have? Those lies... yes I believe every last bit of them.

I am annoyed that you believe that woman's functionality in life stems from staying at home while the husband goes out and does as he wants.

A man is just responsible as a woman for his actions, in every sense. You seem to be the angry one sir, directing your scorn towards woman and blaming them for society's failure.

I am annoyed that you seem to feel that daycare is such a horrid experience for children. I have seen the exact opposite happen. Mothers that have four or five kids are just as likely to not be able to provide the educational and social environment that is best suited for children. Too many stay at home mothers sit their kids in front of the TV while they do nothing.

My annoyance is direct at the idea that woman are at fault because of their desire to be seen as more than just slaves to a man."

Anyways. The sad thing is... people believe and agree with him. It sickens me. Feminism is not about anything other than equality, well at least true innocent feminism. I am sick and tired of men feeling like they are losing out because woman want the same opportunities. It's like this radio host I was listening to that was saying that because schools are trying to help teach girls math and science that society is crumbling. He believed that women being educated is what is dooming our generation? WTF?

Oh right, the only good society is one where woman stay home, barefoot and pregnant, catering to their "mans" every desire. Ewww, I just threw up a little in my mouth.

I have a teenage daughter

So I am in my boss's office today working on a spreadsheet with him

boss: "What's that on your forehead?"
me: *fuck* "Oh it's from the helmet, Mike and I rode up the canyon yesterday"
boss: "Looks kind of like a hickey"
me: "ha ha, really? Nope, just the helmet rubbing wrong."
boss: "I have a teenage daughter."
me: "oh"

Fail!

The purpose of life

I've heard before, and likely said, that we are born, we live and we die. It is the so called circle of life. We are born and the rest is just time we fill before we die. It's a morbid way to look at life, but it is truthful. It also doesn't take away the pain when someone close to you dies.

For those of you not familiar with me, my mother comes from a fairly large family, okay a huge family. She is the second youngest out of 16. No it is not a blended family. No there are no twins. My grandma had 16 children. No we are not morman, methodist in fact.

One of my uncles and one of my aunts died before I could even remember. So growing up it was more like I had 13 aunts and uncles, still a very large number. In the last few years though, that number has dwindled, significantly. My mom now only has 8 living siblings. Mostly the brothers have passed. Two of her sisters have very bad medical conditions, one of my aunts is hopefully going to get approved for a heart transplant and hopefully they will find a heart for her soon.

While I know and understand that death is inevitable, it doesn't make it any easier. When I get the news that one of my uncles has died, it still hurts, it still breaks my heart. Maybe most of it comes from the fact that I hate to see my mom hurting, I hate to know that she sees her family slowly disappearing.

And then there is my mom. I worry about her. I mean with all the death running around in that family it is only natural to worry about her. So I spent the weekend in my bubble, pretending, on the outside, that all was fine and dandy, while inside I was dying. All it took was a semi-sad movie to break me out of that and turn me into a blubbering, incoherent mess. Thankfully I have the most wonderful partner ever.

He didn't make me feel stupid for my feelings, he just let me cry. He didn't coddle me, he just let me cry. Not enough can be said for just letting me cry.

Hopefully the tides turn and instead of having one more peice of bad news we will get a break and be able to celebrate my aunts transplant.

Oh yeah, you all should be organ donors.

There is nothing I detest more than yardwork, well at least there is nothing I detest more in the grand scheme of chores. I hate mowing, I hate weeding, I hate hate hate it. But I still do it. Mostly because if I don't it won't get done. Halls has somehow managed to go her entire life (25 years) never mowing. It is sad. I should make her do it, but instead I continue down the path of enabiling her. She was helpful last night and we did get a lot done.

The backyard is just about there. I planted some flowers, mowed and her and I cleaned things up. I hate the idea of having company over for them to see the white trash that was our backyard.

Now if I can just find someone who wants to get rid of some river rock we are golden.

Petty Crimes

Not more than a few weeks ago my wonderful metro boss kicked me out of the office I shared. After 8 long years of waiting to be office material I only had a brief glimpse of the wonder of it all. Now now... I don't hold said wonderful boss liable for the boot. It made sense and all that jazz. I still am free to hate being back in cubeland.

Especially when petty crimes are running amok, yes amok I say! My very expensive hand lotion is disappearing at an alarming rate. My breakfast/lunch cupboard has been raided. Leave me easy mac alone! And pens are missing, and not standard office pens, I loathe those. I purchase my own pretty pens cause I am a girl.

Horrid. So now I am locking my cube and hoping that it isn't the maintenance crew (whom I suspect) since I think they have master keys. I may have to invest in some security equipment just to find out who is bathing in my lotion.

Grrr. And Hunger too.

I've always thought I was "cool" when it comes to the Internet. I know html stuff, I can navigate around pretty well.... but I have met my match. Twitter. This product is driving me crazy. I can't get the phone part of it to work or maybe I just can't understand how it works. I guess I thought the idea was that I could send updates from my phone and they would appear on my twitter account and on this site. No such luck. Damn you Mr. Internet, damn you!

It is only an hour into the day and I already hate it. I didn't want to wake up this morning and I sure as hell didn't want to suit up (thanks Barney, it's Legend, wait for it, dary). I forgot my breakfast and lunch and am now feeling the pain for my stomach eating itself. Why can't my stomach eat my ass or my thighs? Hmm? is that too much to ask? I think not!

And I forgot. The other morning on the way to work I was "this close" to causing a major accident. There I am, drinking my delicious coffee, minding my own damn business when what do I see out of the corner of my eye? A spider, a big eight-legged freak of nature crawling around my dash board. Okay... if you know me you know I have an intense fear of spiders. It is so bad I can't even kill them. Killing them requires getting close, I don't wanna! But I had little choice as this one was getting ready to crawl in my lap. Lucky for me Halls and left some shoe spray stuff in my car. I grabbed the bottle and drenched that son of a bitch.

Since I am morbid and hate spiders so much I decided to see if I could find what type of spider it was. Upon my searching I found this...





I swear to all that is unholy, if I run into this monster, ever, I will die. Right then and there I will die.

Welcome back

I wonder if real bloggers, and I say real because I do not classify myself as real, ever second guess the things they write? Do they wonder if they said the right thing, said the important thing? Or do they just blog because it brings them and others laughs or tears? I wonder these random things. I love blogging, I just somehow lost a little of the passion. I think mainly I lost the passion of myspace. It was such a wonderful ride while it lasted but now, I can go a week with out logging on and not miss it.

So I decided to move forward. I have wrote, multiple times on this site stating that I am done with blogging on myspace, but yet I never really maintain this site. Mostly because I am not sure who, if anyone reads it. I like people reading what I write, taking interest in my opinions or my soapbox rants. But I think I am going to just try blogging for awhile, without expectations.

It's this new thing I am trying, not having certain expectations. Now this does not mean that I don't want certain things out of life or the people in my life. I am just not going to live by some rule book I created at another time in my life. I have turned over a number of new leaves and it is time for this one to turn too.

I have been giving serious thought lately to writing a book, or attempting to write a book. Nothing expected of course. I just want to write for the sake of writing. Although I do think the idea I have in mind is an excellent one. It all comes down to finding the time. Which I lack a lot of lately.

I can't sleep tonight. Because it is the first night in close to three weeks that I have tried to sleep alone. It is weird. Missing someone that I saw less then 24 hours ago. Actually I miss him all of the time. It has never been like this for me. Ever. Even my young attempts at puppy love never felt this right, you know that love you try to talk yourself into.

It's a little life altering to look at someone and know that they are it. That all of the times before were just practice, all the heartaches gave you strength, that all the questions led to this answer. It isn't at all scary, which in itself is scary. I'm not waiting for the moment I get to be alone, looking for the quickest exit. In fact I am always looking for the way back.

But this really is different. I actually filed for divorce. Went to the courthouse, paid the money (why is it more expensive to get divorced then married?) and hired a process server. Larry is being an ass and instead of just taking it I am fighting back. Thankfully I married a complete idiot who doesn't know his face from his ass.

When I decided to marry Larry it wasn't thoughts of happiness. I didn't think, "wow, this is great". I just did it. It was wrong, I knew it was and I knew the outcome would be this. And I figured I'd never marry again. When that changes your whole life changes.

One Week Later

And I have managed to only logon to Myspace once or twice while at work. I figure big brother can kiss my ten year tenure ass for a couple trips a week.

Speaking of my ass, which I rarely do. Maybe I should speak of it more often? Mike took me out for my first bike ride on Monday night. I was able to wear my fancy new helmet with pink flames. I figure if I am going to have bad hair do to saftey I might as well have a pretty helmet.

At first I was petrified. The only other time I have been on a bike was when I was about ten and it was with my dad. I don't even have to begin to explain to you the trust that was there. Not that I don't trust Mike, I do. It's just the new and different aspect of it.

And, because he loves me so much, he gets RIGHT on the freeway. I clenched my jaw and held on tight imagining the gazillion possible ways for us to die. Then... out of nowhere it stopped and I started enjoying it. People totally check out bikes, men with their looks of longing, woman check out my cute helmet. I am addicted. I really can't wait for Saturday when we do the MDA ride.

Speaking of Mike.... He really is fantastic. I have never had this much fun with someone I am dating. We constantly have something to talk about and more importantly laugh about. He doesn't take himself too seriously and doesn't take me too seriously. Refreshing in every way possible.

Although Matilda did say something that threw me off guard. Now normally Matt and I talk about everything. By this point in time he would know what I was feeling etc. But... he's been traveling a lot lately and dealing with his own crazy issues, so our girltalk time has been limited. Sunday night I was picking him up from the airport (yet again a delayed flight). We were talking as I was driving him home when I mentioned how I was not in the best of moods on Saturday and tried to pick a fight with Mike (which kudos to him for not taking my bait). Matilda's respone "Why would you pick a fight with the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with?"

Umm... what? I hadn't discussed this with him. While he is very accurate, it just hadn't been shared. This is why I state that Matilda is my soul mate, my other half. We just know. Like those times when I just get this feeling and give him a call to find out that he's had a really bad day. Or when he calls just at the right time. We can say things with out speaking. I love my BFF.

So having someone that understands me as well as he does say what he did... well it just solidifies my feelings for Mike just a tad bit more.

The End of My World

My work has blocked myspace. Well not really blocked but they did send a very nasty emails that threatened that big brother will be watching me. I don't know what is worse. Having the site blocked or not having it blocked and knowing that I could go there... but can't. Ah, the sadness that is my life.

I should introduce my new boyfriend. I am going to take a gander and say he is one of those rare good ones. He is funny (which is the most important thing), intelligent, no kids, and doesn't put up with my shit. Now you are wondering why I listed him not putting up with my shit as a benefit. Well... it is refreshing. Do you know how boring it was dating men that constantly changed their views to fit mine? It was boring, and not at all attractive. He won't give me my way just to give me my way. He will argue a point with me if I am wrong and he won't allow me to have everything fit into that little box I created. And the no kids thing aint so bad either.