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I wonder if real bloggers, and I say real because I do not classify myself as real, ever second guess the things they write? Do they wonder if they said the right thing, said the important thing? Or do they just blog because it brings them and others laughs or tears? I wonder these random things. I love blogging, I just somehow lost a little of the passion. I think mainly I lost the passion of myspace. It was such a wonderful ride while it lasted but now, I can go a week with out logging on and not miss it.

So I decided to move forward. I have wrote, multiple times on this site stating that I am done with blogging on myspace, but yet I never really maintain this site. Mostly because I am not sure who, if anyone reads it. I like people reading what I write, taking interest in my opinions or my soapbox rants. But I think I am going to just try blogging for awhile, without expectations.

It's this new thing I am trying, not having certain expectations. Now this does not mean that I don't want certain things out of life or the people in my life. I am just not going to live by some rule book I created at another time in my life. I have turned over a number of new leaves and it is time for this one to turn too.

I have been giving serious thought lately to writing a book, or attempting to write a book. Nothing expected of course. I just want to write for the sake of writing. Although I do think the idea I have in mind is an excellent one. It all comes down to finding the time. Which I lack a lot of lately.

I can't sleep tonight. Because it is the first night in close to three weeks that I have tried to sleep alone. It is weird. Missing someone that I saw less then 24 hours ago. Actually I miss him all of the time. It has never been like this for me. Ever. Even my young attempts at puppy love never felt this right, you know that love you try to talk yourself into.

It's a little life altering to look at someone and know that they are it. That all of the times before were just practice, all the heartaches gave you strength, that all the questions led to this answer. It isn't at all scary, which in itself is scary. I'm not waiting for the moment I get to be alone, looking for the quickest exit. In fact I am always looking for the way back.

But this really is different. I actually filed for divorce. Went to the courthouse, paid the money (why is it more expensive to get divorced then married?) and hired a process server. Larry is being an ass and instead of just taking it I am fighting back. Thankfully I married a complete idiot who doesn't know his face from his ass.

When I decided to marry Larry it wasn't thoughts of happiness. I didn't think, "wow, this is great". I just did it. It was wrong, I knew it was and I knew the outcome would be this. And I figured I'd never marry again. When that changes your whole life changes.