The purpose of life

I've heard before, and likely said, that we are born, we live and we die. It is the so called circle of life. We are born and the rest is just time we fill before we die. It's a morbid way to look at life, but it is truthful. It also doesn't take away the pain when someone close to you dies.

For those of you not familiar with me, my mother comes from a fairly large family, okay a huge family. She is the second youngest out of 16. No it is not a blended family. No there are no twins. My grandma had 16 children. No we are not morman, methodist in fact.

One of my uncles and one of my aunts died before I could even remember. So growing up it was more like I had 13 aunts and uncles, still a very large number. In the last few years though, that number has dwindled, significantly. My mom now only has 8 living siblings. Mostly the brothers have passed. Two of her sisters have very bad medical conditions, one of my aunts is hopefully going to get approved for a heart transplant and hopefully they will find a heart for her soon.

While I know and understand that death is inevitable, it doesn't make it any easier. When I get the news that one of my uncles has died, it still hurts, it still breaks my heart. Maybe most of it comes from the fact that I hate to see my mom hurting, I hate to know that she sees her family slowly disappearing.

And then there is my mom. I worry about her. I mean with all the death running around in that family it is only natural to worry about her. So I spent the weekend in my bubble, pretending, on the outside, that all was fine and dandy, while inside I was dying. All it took was a semi-sad movie to break me out of that and turn me into a blubbering, incoherent mess. Thankfully I have the most wonderful partner ever.

He didn't make me feel stupid for my feelings, he just let me cry. He didn't coddle me, he just let me cry. Not enough can be said for just letting me cry.

Hopefully the tides turn and instead of having one more peice of bad news we will get a break and be able to celebrate my aunts transplant.

Oh yeah, you all should be organ donors.