I am slowly, very slowly, moving past my relationship issues. For fuck's sake I have not hyperventilated when I refer to him as my boyfriend... although most of the time I call him "the guy I am dating".
It's humorous to me to see this transformation. Occasionally I will catch myself trying to revert back to old behavior and I will talk myself through it.
This weekend we did the "meet the friends" thing. The weirdest part is his friends use to be my friends too. But I hadn't seen them in over two years. And I was freaked out. I was wondering what they would think. Why am I dating him now, all of these years later? Am I trying to take advantage of him? Am I going to hurt him? I imagined this is what was going on in their heads.
I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't get an questions from them about why I am dating him. Only acceptance and maybe even support? The biggest hurdle I'd imagine was Ben. He and I didn't part on such great terms, and it was my fault. I mean how do you apologize to you old best friends ex-husband? How do you tell him that you treated him like shit based on the lies you believed from her?
You don't. You just buy each other shots and make friends again.
It is weird, revisiting with people you use to be close to. It is also weird to learn that they are all really good people despite what you were made to believe.
So I am taking steps, small ones. I am not sure I am ready to introduce him to my friends yet. One thing at a time.
