As some may know, I am getting married in a few months. It took awhile for both of us to take this step even though I can say, with certainty, that we are perfectly matched. As we have both been down this road before, you can imagine the trepidation with making this type of commitment. But we are doing it, only for ourselves, not because everyone else wants it.
One of the first conversations we had regarded name changing. I made the decision after my last marriage that I would not do that again. Wrong or right, I believe my identity is somewhat tied to my last name. Plus, the last name rocks. We discussed it and he is okay with that, he understands that I have built recognition with my name, professionally speaking.
I had a conversation with someone this last week about getting married and she asked what my new last name would be. I informed her that I wasn't changing my name. "You are lucky you found someone that will let you keep your name". Let me? Wow. I was unaware that anyone let me do anything. I was under the distinct impression that I am in charge of my life. That isn't to say that I don't value the opinion of those close to me or the support of them. But no one lets me do anything. I was in a marriage was I was allowed to do things and not allowed to do many more. That is a road I will never again travel.
One of the best qualities of the fiance is the fact that he allows me to be me. He understands that I am stubborn, aggressive, and in control of my life. He respects my individuality and doesn't want that to change. He doesn't worry about what he will and will not let me do.
Piece of advice for everyone out there. If you are with someone that lets you do things, you aren't in the right relationship. A relationship isn't about asking permission or waiting for someone to grant you rights. I have never and will never ask for permission to be me.
