Or better yet I am fired. I always have these fantastic plans of blogging interesting things on a daily basis. And I always fail. This says something about me. No, I am not a failure, I just have issues with commitment, to blogs.
I will blame it on the stress of work, school (WHY THE HELL DID I GO BACK, well to complain about it of course) and buying a house.
I should be closing next week. That is unless jesus or his father decide they hate me enough to screw this job up. I will post pre and post pictures. And note to all homeowners... there is no possible way that the decor of "Carebear Throwup" is appropriate or aesthetically pleasing.
This is all.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Full Moon
Disclosure, this is a rant blog.
New Moon broke box office records this weekend with the biggest opening weekend in history. This is not what annoys me. Nope. It is the response from movie snobs and annoying people that is my problem. If you don't like the movie that is fine, you are allowed your personal feeling. What I don't care for is the snobby nature of people complaining about this.
I saw the movie opening night. I love the book series. There is nothing wrong with that. And there is nothing wrong with the millions of people who are reading it. I imagine the same people crying about the records haven't read them either. Guess what, the books may not be literary genius, but they are good reads and any author that can get a generation of kids reading rather than playing video games is good.
There is not an end of movies as we know it. There is a huge following for the books and so there is going to be a huge following for the movies. It doesn't matter what critics say, it doesn't matter what movie snobs think. These people enjoy the books and want to see the characters come to life, even if it doesn't meet your standards.
Move on people. If you don't like the movie don't spend your dollars on it.
New Moon broke box office records this weekend with the biggest opening weekend in history. This is not what annoys me. Nope. It is the response from movie snobs and annoying people that is my problem. If you don't like the movie that is fine, you are allowed your personal feeling. What I don't care for is the snobby nature of people complaining about this.
I saw the movie opening night. I love the book series. There is nothing wrong with that. And there is nothing wrong with the millions of people who are reading it. I imagine the same people crying about the records haven't read them either. Guess what, the books may not be literary genius, but they are good reads and any author that can get a generation of kids reading rather than playing video games is good.
There is not an end of movies as we know it. There is a huge following for the books and so there is going to be a huge following for the movies. It doesn't matter what critics say, it doesn't matter what movie snobs think. These people enjoy the books and want to see the characters come to life, even if it doesn't meet your standards.
Move on people. If you don't like the movie don't spend your dollars on it.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
My foot tastes icky
Today has been an testy day. It started off with someone throwing me under the bus. Then a decision I made in an attempt to make things better bit me in the ass, hard. Now I have a horrible headache that nothing is fixing. I even took pills... and I hate taking pills.
I am going to wake up in the morning and just pretend that today didn't happen. I am aware that this will not make the problem better, that I am just avoiding. But guess what? Every once in a while we all get to do this.
I am going to wake up in the morning and just pretend that today didn't happen. I am aware that this will not make the problem better, that I am just avoiding. But guess what? Every once in a while we all get to do this.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I now hate HGTV
House hunting is more than a fantastic show on HGTV. Actually, because I truly value honesty, it has been one of the worst experiences of my life. That is saying a great deal, especially if you know anything about my marriage and subsequent divorce.
This market is horrific. Everything is a short sale. The few houses that aren't short sales are snatched up in the blink of an eye. The BF and I finally made the decision, or two decisions.. we made two offers.
The first one that was accepted is actually next door to where I am now. It is an older home, but I have a certain comfort level. I know the neighborhood. I can yell at the neighborhood kids and they take my word as law.
The problem is that the house failed (and I mean FAILED) the inspection. The chimney is on the ground in the backyard thanks to last weeks horrific windstorm. The basement bathroom and crawlspace have black mold. There are multiple negative slopes... I could go on and on. We walked away.
Now we hope (and pray) that the other home, the newer on that should have no problems, comes through this week. The agent for the seller has been less then ethical. My agent and I were discussion the possibilities of filing a formal complaint. He told me "most people just walk away and let it go, because it is a hassle". Ha. He does NOT know me. I strongly believe on following through, it's all about the principal for me.
While I may have a passionate need to stick it to him... I am intelligent enough to know when to start my battle. That would be after he finally pulls his shit together and we get the house.
This market is horrific. Everything is a short sale. The few houses that aren't short sales are snatched up in the blink of an eye. The BF and I finally made the decision, or two decisions.. we made two offers.
The first one that was accepted is actually next door to where I am now. It is an older home, but I have a certain comfort level. I know the neighborhood. I can yell at the neighborhood kids and they take my word as law.
The problem is that the house failed (and I mean FAILED) the inspection. The chimney is on the ground in the backyard thanks to last weeks horrific windstorm. The basement bathroom and crawlspace have black mold. There are multiple negative slopes... I could go on and on. We walked away.
Now we hope (and pray) that the other home, the newer on that should have no problems, comes through this week. The agent for the seller has been less then ethical. My agent and I were discussion the possibilities of filing a formal complaint. He told me "most people just walk away and let it go, because it is a hassle". Ha. He does NOT know me. I strongly believe on following through, it's all about the principal for me.
While I may have a passionate need to stick it to him... I am intelligent enough to know when to start my battle. That would be after he finally pulls his shit together and we get the house.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Why yes, I'd love some cheese with my wine
It is inevitable. When I really need to world to be on my side, it isn't. Only when I need things to run smoothly does my life turn into a chaotic drama that is made for TV. While this is very much my history I am one of those naive (read stupid) people who tends to hope for something better.
Really world? Done shitting on me?
Now of course I know that people have worse problems then me. But guess what, this is MY blog, so MY problems are the center of discussion. If you don't want to read about ME, MYSELF, and I... probably should find another blog. Oh wait... no one reads anyway.
Dear god (and world), please play nice. Thanks much.
Really world? Done shitting on me?
Now of course I know that people have worse problems then me. But guess what, this is MY blog, so MY problems are the center of discussion. If you don't want to read about ME, MYSELF, and I... probably should find another blog. Oh wait... no one reads anyway.
Dear god (and world), please play nice. Thanks much.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Kansas City Calling
It has been more than a few years since I have been able to get back to KC for a pleasant reason. I have a multitude of memories from my childhood that surround the area, but it seems I can’t grasp on to them. I had a very sobering trip. I had gone for work and had told myself I would just stay at the hotel, avoid the known. Unfortunately, as it usually is with me, I am drawn to my past and memories that are so tightly bound.
The positive, I was able to spend a few hours talking with my aunt and uncle, sharing stories of the good times.
The negative, no matter how hard we all try, there is an emptiness that can’t be filled. Death is so tragic, even when we expect it. It doesn’t matter how we prepare or how me plan on coping, it will always win the battle. After leaving my aunt and uncle’s I ventured to the familiar neighborhood of my youthful memories. I found myself pulled over on the side of the road as the tears poured. I attended her funeral, I said my prayers, released the pain. Yet somehow, I haven’t fully grieved. I was very much consumed with the pain and suffering that goes hand and hand with death. As I continued to drive I found myself, once again, avoiding the hotel and driving to the park we spent hours at, past the church where she dedicated much of her time. With every landmark the pain seemed to deepen.
As we age death becomes a more intimate part of our lives. Those we knew when we were younger have succumbed to the path of life, leaving us behind.
I still miss you, and I spent the last few days remembering the importance behind your life and the uncountable number of souls you touched. With each day that goes by I will continue to honor your memory, even if it is in the smallest, most insignificant way. Thank you for your role in making me who I am today, for showing me that I can accomplish anything, for believing that I was special. If I can only be this to one person then my life has had purpose.
The positive, I was able to spend a few hours talking with my aunt and uncle, sharing stories of the good times.
The negative, no matter how hard we all try, there is an emptiness that can’t be filled. Death is so tragic, even when we expect it. It doesn’t matter how we prepare or how me plan on coping, it will always win the battle. After leaving my aunt and uncle’s I ventured to the familiar neighborhood of my youthful memories. I found myself pulled over on the side of the road as the tears poured. I attended her funeral, I said my prayers, released the pain. Yet somehow, I haven’t fully grieved. I was very much consumed with the pain and suffering that goes hand and hand with death. As I continued to drive I found myself, once again, avoiding the hotel and driving to the park we spent hours at, past the church where she dedicated much of her time. With every landmark the pain seemed to deepen.
As we age death becomes a more intimate part of our lives. Those we knew when we were younger have succumbed to the path of life, leaving us behind.
I still miss you, and I spent the last few days remembering the importance behind your life and the uncountable number of souls you touched. With each day that goes by I will continue to honor your memory, even if it is in the smallest, most insignificant way. Thank you for your role in making me who I am today, for showing me that I can accomplish anything, for believing that I was special. If I can only be this to one person then my life has had purpose.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Can you beat this affection?
My cat, Cleopatra, loves to chew on body parts. She doesn't bite down hard, she nibbles. It is a sign of affection, I promise. It isn't a sign that she wants to devour your arm.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
This laugh is on you
I wonder if I am the only one that saves certain joke emails. I save them so when I am having a particularly rough day I can go to the folder and read something that will make me laugh. There is one that I have that will bring me to tears everytime I read it, it is that funny. It has pictures so I can't really share it here. If you want it let me know I will send it to you.
Everyone should have a folder like this. Here is my newest addition, an email with a random list of very true topics.
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a Jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time...
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.
Everyone should have a folder like this. Here is my newest addition, an email with a random list of very true topics.
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a Jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time...
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Take a deep....
Advance notice, this post may contain some small amounts of bitching. I warn you in advance because I don't want to hear complaints of bitching. I rarely bitch. (Yes, I was just hit by lighting).
Things are crazy busy at work. No, I am not, in any shape or form, bitching about this. I am glad things are crazy, it means I still have a job, it means I am less scared about doom and gloom.
I couldn't work 15 hour days and still not get enough done. My "to do" list gets longer and longer each day. I dream of the day when I look down at the list and see neat little checkmarks in the box next to what ever action item I have scribbled down. It is almost as good as a wet dream.
The reason this dream is so sublime, so intensly wonderful, is because it will never happen. That is okay, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job. (See how I reminded myself right there?) Everyday I come in, rarely take an actual lunch and find new and inventive ways to create reports and my projections. Have I ever mentioned my hatred of statistics? Statistics often succeed at making me their bitch. Which is cool, I hardly get to be anyone's bitch anymore.
What I hate? People who take vacation when they really can't afford to. Now I don't mean this in the monetary sense, and I don't mean this in the they don't have enough vacation time way. I mean they take vacation but don't have their shit together at the office. Which means I get to help out. Now, I am a team player, I will always help out. But it gets old, especially when the same person refuses to be a team player themselves.
Sigh, and cheers to another day!
Things are crazy busy at work. No, I am not, in any shape or form, bitching about this. I am glad things are crazy, it means I still have a job, it means I am less scared about doom and gloom.
I couldn't work 15 hour days and still not get enough done. My "to do" list gets longer and longer each day. I dream of the day when I look down at the list and see neat little checkmarks in the box next to what ever action item I have scribbled down. It is almost as good as a wet dream.
The reason this dream is so sublime, so intensly wonderful, is because it will never happen. That is okay, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job. (See how I reminded myself right there?) Everyday I come in, rarely take an actual lunch and find new and inventive ways to create reports and my projections. Have I ever mentioned my hatred of statistics? Statistics often succeed at making me their bitch. Which is cool, I hardly get to be anyone's bitch anymore.
What I hate? People who take vacation when they really can't afford to. Now I don't mean this in the monetary sense, and I don't mean this in the they don't have enough vacation time way. I mean they take vacation but don't have their shit together at the office. Which means I get to help out. Now, I am a team player, I will always help out. But it gets old, especially when the same person refuses to be a team player themselves.
Sigh, and cheers to another day!
HGTV could never prepare me
Looking for a home is too much work. I want to throw in the towel after making my first offer. They say the market is prime and there are good deals to be had. I disagree. Everything (8 out of 10 homes) are in short sell. I am avoiding short sells. I don't want to waste four months on a property only to find out that the bank really doesn't want to negotiate. So this leaves me pickings rather slim.
Finally, after a month or so of serious looking, I found a great property. It needs LOTS of work. But hey, it is a foreclosure, and in this market the bank should be willing to negotiate. At least that is what all the experts say.
I found the one property owned by a bank that didn't get the memo. What is worse is they want about 30K more for a property than it really is worth. Sure... after I drop 20K or so into it... it would be worth that amount. But I am not going to pay out of pocket to placate some man with his books.
So kids, moral of this story... house hunting BLOWS!
Finally, after a month or so of serious looking, I found a great property. It needs LOTS of work. But hey, it is a foreclosure, and in this market the bank should be willing to negotiate. At least that is what all the experts say.
I found the one property owned by a bank that didn't get the memo. What is worse is they want about 30K more for a property than it really is worth. Sure... after I drop 20K or so into it... it would be worth that amount. But I am not going to pay out of pocket to placate some man with his books.
So kids, moral of this story... house hunting BLOWS!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Book Club
You know you are truly a dork when you feel the need to have a book club. Don't laugh at me!
In high school I read so many of the classics, I think it would be great to read them again, as an adult.
This could be fleeting, as are many ideas I have.
In high school I read so many of the classics, I think it would be great to read them again, as an adult.
This could be fleeting, as are many ideas I have.
Monday, July 27, 2009
My Old Heart
I don't doubt that I have made it very apparent that I don't care too much for Utah. Sure, the state is beautiful in it's own right but there are attitudes, religion, and politics that I have a hard time dealing with. So why do I stay? There are a number of reasons. My family is there and I can't imagine living too far from my family. My friends are there and it has taken me an awful long time to find friends as wonderful and golden as the ones I now have. The BF is there, need I say more? And finally, my job is there, a job that I currently adore (minus some of the horrific travel schedules I have dealt with in the last few months). All of these things added up make Utah home, or as much home as it can ever be.
When I travel back to the midwest I fill it beckoning to me, in the deepest pits of my stomach. I feel a calmness surround me and comfort of childhood memories. I love the midwest in it's backward loving way. People are genuine, food is good, and the earth is plentiful.
I just got into Maine last night for the second time. The first trip was short and I had no chance to take in the sites. Luckily, because it is impossible to get here before 5pm, I had to fly in a day earlier. I spent the entire morning seeing the sites of Old Portland and took a small excursion to some light houses.
I am in love. Deeply, infatuated in love. While the midwest calls to me, Maine seems to wrap around my heart. I am an old soul and this city speaks to me on a level that none have before. The closest I can think to feeling this way was when I was in Boston. I love history, something that Utah lacks. I am surrounded with history here.
Sigh. Maine is my new lover. I know the BF won't mind sharing me with a state thousands of miles away. As I write this I am sitting in my hotel room listening to the sounds of the ocean (including the seagulls). How will I ever say good-bye with out breaking my heart?
When I travel back to the midwest I fill it beckoning to me, in the deepest pits of my stomach. I feel a calmness surround me and comfort of childhood memories. I love the midwest in it's backward loving way. People are genuine, food is good, and the earth is plentiful.
I just got into Maine last night for the second time. The first trip was short and I had no chance to take in the sites. Luckily, because it is impossible to get here before 5pm, I had to fly in a day earlier. I spent the entire morning seeing the sites of Old Portland and took a small excursion to some light houses.
I am in love. Deeply, infatuated in love. While the midwest calls to me, Maine seems to wrap around my heart. I am an old soul and this city speaks to me on a level that none have before. The closest I can think to feeling this way was when I was in Boston. I love history, something that Utah lacks. I am surrounded with history here.
Sigh. Maine is my new lover. I know the BF won't mind sharing me with a state thousands of miles away. As I write this I am sitting in my hotel room listening to the sounds of the ocean (including the seagulls). How will I ever say good-bye with out breaking my heart?
Sunday, July 5, 2009
The end of it all
The last month has been a doozy and sadly this month is shaping up to be the same. I think I was out of town more often then I was in town. My Aunt passed away during the first week of June. It was devestating to as all. It was the first funeral I attended of somsone I know and love. And it was hard. I loved my Aunt so very much. She was and always will be an inspiration to me. I think that because work has been so hectic I haven't really had time to fully grieve. I am sure that one day, out of nowhere, it will hit me. She fought a very hard and very long battle and I know that she is finally at peace with her maker. Yes I did say that.
I've spent most of the rest of the month galavanting around the midwest, visiting such great places as Brookings, SD, Danvers, MN, Greely, CO, Estherville and Carrol, IA. Don't be jealous that I am racking out Holiday Inn rewards faster then I can say supercali.. you get the idea. And yes, I stay at Holiday Inns. First off, I like them... I know what to expect. Second of all, do you think the small towns I am visiting have a Marriott? Ha, if only.
It is interesting, all the places I get to travel. I see parts of the country that most people don't, and all from country highways. Tomorrow I fly into Denver and then make the very long drive to Liberal, KS. This time I will bring my camera and I plan on taking some photos of the interesting things I see along the way. I should have started earlier, but I imagine you will all find interest in my roadside blog.
Toodles!
I've spent most of the rest of the month galavanting around the midwest, visiting such great places as Brookings, SD, Danvers, MN, Greely, CO, Estherville and Carrol, IA. Don't be jealous that I am racking out Holiday Inn rewards faster then I can say supercali.. you get the idea. And yes, I stay at Holiday Inns. First off, I like them... I know what to expect. Second of all, do you think the small towns I am visiting have a Marriott? Ha, if only.
It is interesting, all the places I get to travel. I see parts of the country that most people don't, and all from country highways. Tomorrow I fly into Denver and then make the very long drive to Liberal, KS. This time I will bring my camera and I plan on taking some photos of the interesting things I see along the way. I should have started earlier, but I imagine you will all find interest in my roadside blog.
Toodles!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sketchy Scratch
Last night, after slaving for hours over a paper, I decided to wash my car. I know that it will likely rain today, but it was so dirty from weeks of rain and dirt. I gave the baby the whole treatment, wax and everything. This morning I was leaving for work and noticed a scrape on the driver side door. I know, since I spent time lovingly stroking her fine paint last night, that the scrape wasn't there. And since I came straight home from there and parked in my spot (next to my garage mind you), this happened sometime in the middle of the night.
I have apparently annoyed someone so much they have decided to come and scrape up against my car. My money is on Hitler. Hitler is the president of our HOA. I worked with Hitler for a year. And worked is really not the right word. I argued, yelled, and screamed trying to get my voice to be heard. I am a loud person, Hitler is louder. Finally after formally calling her a dictator last weekend and baptising her as Hitler I decided to resign. Guess what, I am one busy bitch. I have way too much going on to waste time fighting someone as crazy as Hitler. Good luck HOA, running with two candidates can't work.
I have apparently annoyed someone so much they have decided to come and scrape up against my car. My money is on Hitler. Hitler is the president of our HOA. I worked with Hitler for a year. And worked is really not the right word. I argued, yelled, and screamed trying to get my voice to be heard. I am a loud person, Hitler is louder. Finally after formally calling her a dictator last weekend and baptising her as Hitler I decided to resign. Guess what, I am one busy bitch. I have way too much going on to waste time fighting someone as crazy as Hitler. Good luck HOA, running with two candidates can't work.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Californication
Sigh. California just seems unable to escape the news. One day it is the dire financial woes of our western state. Today it is the Cali State Supreme Courts decisions to uphold Prop 8. I was listening to NPR this morning and someone actually tried to tie the two together. Yes, now there is something else to blame on the gays, the near bankrupt state of California. Damn gays, what will they do next? Decorate my home? Buy me a great class of Merlot? I jest when I really desire to be serious. But sometimes you just have to laugh at the audacity of all of it. Because when it comes down to it that is really all this is.
Ignorance, bigotry, there are many words I can think to describe those who choose to refuse to grant equal rights. I assume if I was around during the women's rights movement or the civil rights movement I would feel the same. Maybe it is, in part, due to the fact that I am no longer a church goer. I do not mean that to come across as I am not a religious person, but maybe I just haven't studied enough. Because when I think back to my days in Sunday school, my years spent studying for conformation, I remember a few things vividly. The most important was that I can not judge people. Religion is not a weapon for me to yield like a sword, cutting down those who I do not deem worthy.
If you haven't guessed by now, I am a huge supporter of gay marriage. There is only one reason, because everyone deserves the same rights as I. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you shouldn't have the ability to be legally tied to the person you love. Yes I understand that civil unions offer those who are gay in California the same rights as those who are straight. But the rights are under a different name, so how are they the same. Equal rights are not different rights. In the fifties those of different colors were also allowed to drink from water fountains, ride buses, and attend school. They just couldn't do it in the same area as white people. Equal rights, yes, but different rights.
The argument of choice is null in this case. People do not choose to be gay, just as I did not choose to be straight. I was born this way. Just as my dear friend in California was born gay. He didn't just wake up one morning and decide, "Hey world, give me hell, I choose to be gay. I choose to be labeled and cast aside. I choose for people to judge me and use the name of God to bear false witness against me".
And religion. Goodness me. I can't think of one thing I detest more than people who hide beind the guise of religion to afford them them ability to spew hatred. I assure you my God does not love gay people less. Too many negative acts are committed in the name of religion. Instead of using a pulpit to incite bigotry, why don't we use it to condone love and acceptance. I am quite certain that God would be happy with that action.
The discussion of equal rights for those who are gay is one that I hope continues with the same fever. I hope that those of us who support equal rights are never silenced.
We are all familiar with a certain figures speech regarding a wonderful dream. Instead of quoting the same passage we all know, let me provide an alternative.
In the beautiful and inspiring words of Dr. Martin Luther King,
"As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back"
"This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."
And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!
Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"
Ignorance, bigotry, there are many words I can think to describe those who choose to refuse to grant equal rights. I assume if I was around during the women's rights movement or the civil rights movement I would feel the same. Maybe it is, in part, due to the fact that I am no longer a church goer. I do not mean that to come across as I am not a religious person, but maybe I just haven't studied enough. Because when I think back to my days in Sunday school, my years spent studying for conformation, I remember a few things vividly. The most important was that I can not judge people. Religion is not a weapon for me to yield like a sword, cutting down those who I do not deem worthy.
If you haven't guessed by now, I am a huge supporter of gay marriage. There is only one reason, because everyone deserves the same rights as I. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you shouldn't have the ability to be legally tied to the person you love. Yes I understand that civil unions offer those who are gay in California the same rights as those who are straight. But the rights are under a different name, so how are they the same. Equal rights are not different rights. In the fifties those of different colors were also allowed to drink from water fountains, ride buses, and attend school. They just couldn't do it in the same area as white people. Equal rights, yes, but different rights.
The argument of choice is null in this case. People do not choose to be gay, just as I did not choose to be straight. I was born this way. Just as my dear friend in California was born gay. He didn't just wake up one morning and decide, "Hey world, give me hell, I choose to be gay. I choose to be labeled and cast aside. I choose for people to judge me and use the name of God to bear false witness against me".
And religion. Goodness me. I can't think of one thing I detest more than people who hide beind the guise of religion to afford them them ability to spew hatred. I assure you my God does not love gay people less. Too many negative acts are committed in the name of religion. Instead of using a pulpit to incite bigotry, why don't we use it to condone love and acceptance. I am quite certain that God would be happy with that action.
The discussion of equal rights for those who are gay is one that I hope continues with the same fever. I hope that those of us who support equal rights are never silenced.
We are all familiar with a certain figures speech regarding a wonderful dream. Instead of quoting the same passage we all know, let me provide an alternative.
In the beautiful and inspiring words of Dr. Martin Luther King,
"As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back"
"This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."
And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!
Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The beauty of Wyoming
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Mobil blogs?!?
If I were Snoop Dog I'd say something like nizzle. The wonders of the internet.
And what unknown number calls at this time of night? I smell a slimy ex-husband.
And what unknown number calls at this time of night? I smell a slimy ex-husband.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
The horror of it all
Last night, after waking up from being sick, I went to the fridge to get some juice. I happened to look at the calendar and noticed I had committed a major Faux pa.
I forgot the BFF's birthday. Just forgot. Period.
Sigh, I NEVER forget birthdays. I have this unusual ability to remember dates. I think it ties in with the unusual ability to remember all numbers (just don't ask me to do mathematical equations with said numbers).
I immediately texted him in shame.
Me: "Fuck, I am horrible. With everything going on with Kaden I totally forgot your bday. Happy Birthday, late"
BFF: "It's okay, didn't want to make a big deal, work's crazy"
Me: "Still... let's do dinner later this week. Love you fucker"
Bff: "Suck it whore. Later works"
I don't have my phone on me right now, but this was pretty much how it goes. I love that we love each other but have to call each other name instead. We share a strong bond.
I forgot the BFF's birthday. Just forgot. Period.
Sigh, I NEVER forget birthdays. I have this unusual ability to remember dates. I think it ties in with the unusual ability to remember all numbers (just don't ask me to do mathematical equations with said numbers).
I immediately texted him in shame.
Me: "Fuck, I am horrible. With everything going on with Kaden I totally forgot your bday. Happy Birthday, late"
BFF: "It's okay, didn't want to make a big deal, work's crazy"
Me: "Still... let's do dinner later this week. Love you fucker"
Bff: "Suck it whore. Later works"
I don't have my phone on me right now, but this was pretty much how it goes. I love that we love each other but have to call each other name instead. We share a strong bond.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Damn Kids
What the hell is wrong with kids this day? Before you acusse me of being an old geezer (even though I do have LOTS of gray hair) pay attention.
I was a teenager once, a long long time ago. I had friends and we had fun, lots of fun. What we never did?? We never were loud and obnioxious in any public place. We didn't go to eating establishments and yell and run around. We didn't throw food. We didn't go in to coffee shops and laugh and talk so loud that someone working on a paper for her MBA class couldn't hear over her very nice headphones.
We didn't do any of that.
I tried giving them the "look". Yes my "look" requres quotation marks. It is because it is that scarey. Ask MLo, he saw it many times. And he was smart enough to recognize the meaning and promise behind the "look". If you see the "look" you know that if your current behavior doesn't change immediately violence will follow. This time it will be violence in the form of my pen stabbing them in their young thoats. Bet that will shut them up.
I was a teenager once, a long long time ago. I had friends and we had fun, lots of fun. What we never did?? We never were loud and obnioxious in any public place. We didn't go to eating establishments and yell and run around. We didn't throw food. We didn't go in to coffee shops and laugh and talk so loud that someone working on a paper for her MBA class couldn't hear over her very nice headphones.
We didn't do any of that.
I tried giving them the "look". Yes my "look" requres quotation marks. It is because it is that scarey. Ask MLo, he saw it many times. And he was smart enough to recognize the meaning and promise behind the "look". If you see the "look" you know that if your current behavior doesn't change immediately violence will follow. This time it will be violence in the form of my pen stabbing them in their young thoats. Bet that will shut them up.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Life Goes On
Obla di Obla da is by and far one of my all time favorite songs. I'd like to claim it is because of the message hidden in the lyrics, but it's not. It just sounds really good when you get drunk and yell/sing.
It's been a hard week. Kaden, my little nephew, was born on Sunday. He is such a beautiful little boy! Unfortunatly there have been a list of complications. Mainly, he is having an issue remembering to breath. He has been in the NICU since Tuesday. And last I spoke to Rexy, he was doing much better.
My aunt who received the heart transplant is having complications. She has a viral infection and is back on the respirator. She has a living will (thank god, everyone should) and can only be kept on the respirator for a few days before the doctor is required to remove it. She is doing a little better.
My grandparnets are just fading fast. My grandpa now has to be in a wheelchair all the time.
Not very often do I say this, but everyone hug those you love, because tomorrow you never know.
It's been a hard week. Kaden, my little nephew, was born on Sunday. He is such a beautiful little boy! Unfortunatly there have been a list of complications. Mainly, he is having an issue remembering to breath. He has been in the NICU since Tuesday. And last I spoke to Rexy, he was doing much better.
My aunt who received the heart transplant is having complications. She has a viral infection and is back on the respirator. She has a living will (thank god, everyone should) and can only be kept on the respirator for a few days before the doctor is required to remove it. She is doing a little better.
My grandparnets are just fading fast. My grandpa now has to be in a wheelchair all the time.
Not very often do I say this, but everyone hug those you love, because tomorrow you never know.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
SA
Hello. My Name is Lindsey, and I am a stupid girl. (This is where you all respond with "Hello Lindsey").
Sigh. How many times have I said "I hate stupid girls"? Probably at least a gazillion and a half. No, I am not taking the statement back. And I think I have always suggested that I have stupid girl moments. That doesn't change the fact that I hate stupid girls and hate even more, being a stupid girl.
I doubt many women see themselves for who they really are when they look in the mirror. When I look in the mirror, well sometimes I just don't even recognize who is looking back at me. Can I really be this girl? What happened to who I was in my youth. When I look in the mirror I see what I was robbed of, what I have lost out on. I see a woman who endured some of the most horrific experiences and pretends that she is okay.
So maybe I am making a step forward, because at least I recognize that I am pretending. I am not fully healed, maybe I never will be. Maybe I will set on the shelf with the other damanged goods. Is it possible that I can every feel whole again?
I think it is time for me to visit a doctor, again. I tried it a few times after everything happened, but came to the decision that I didn't need it, that self-healing was better for me. Obviously I am not self-healing, but rather I am ignoring. Tisk Tisk Lindsey, you know better.
Sigh. How many times have I said "I hate stupid girls"? Probably at least a gazillion and a half. No, I am not taking the statement back. And I think I have always suggested that I have stupid girl moments. That doesn't change the fact that I hate stupid girls and hate even more, being a stupid girl.
I doubt many women see themselves for who they really are when they look in the mirror. When I look in the mirror, well sometimes I just don't even recognize who is looking back at me. Can I really be this girl? What happened to who I was in my youth. When I look in the mirror I see what I was robbed of, what I have lost out on. I see a woman who endured some of the most horrific experiences and pretends that she is okay.
So maybe I am making a step forward, because at least I recognize that I am pretending. I am not fully healed, maybe I never will be. Maybe I will set on the shelf with the other damanged goods. Is it possible that I can every feel whole again?
I think it is time for me to visit a doctor, again. I tried it a few times after everything happened, but came to the decision that I didn't need it, that self-healing was better for me. Obviously I am not self-healing, but rather I am ignoring. Tisk Tisk Lindsey, you know better.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Lesson No. 1: Just cause Jenna liked it doesn't mean I do
Every once in a while I like to throwback to my dating years and reminisce (vomit) about some of the adventures I went on. Again I am reminded that I really want to write a book about dating and the misadventures that one can find. I mean between me and the BFF there are just so many stories. But I digress.
There was one guy I dated who didn't fit into the normal category of scum I attracted. Don't worry, he still was a loser. I am getting to the point. While he may have been a loser he was also a late bloomer. I don't think he lost his virginity until his mid-twenties. Now, I am not bagging on that. In fact, if that is your motive, by all means, POWER TO YA! This is not the point. We had the conversation about virginity losses and such and I remember him saying this "You would never know I was a late bloomer, I watched a lot of porn". I was dumbfounded about this comment.
I took some time and tried to decipher what it was that he was actually saying. I think he was trying to advocate for porn as a learning tool. Sigh. Boys, please sit down and listen closely. Porn is not something to learn by. Ever. I know that you would love it if woman actually liked some of the porn standards. And please understand that I am not speaking for every woman. Just a small majority.
The idea that porn, which is fantasy, can teach you anything about the real world is sad. And this leads me to the real point. This is what is wrong with society. For some reason the idea of talking about sex has become so taboo. Take for instance the state that I live in. Utah. Not too long ago we were rated as the leader in porn love. People were in shock and awe. How could our state, with it's religious background and religious politics ever lead in such a filthy dirty poll?
Might have something to do with the fact that sex is looked at as something dirty. Boys can't ask their fathers about it, sure as hell can't ask their mothers. Can't ask their friends, cause then the friend might tell the bishop to try and save his friend. So the boy hides all of this desires and confusion and finally, when he is alone in the house, goes to the net and finds a wealth of "knowledge" on the subject.
Now we have a boy who has decided that what he sees in porn is the norm. Woman being objectified and demeaned.(I know this isn't always the case, but lets be honest it is for a huge percentage)He thinks women like to be hurt or called names. This becomes his idea of norm. And the cycle continues.
What is my point? That we need to move away from seeing sex as something that is bad and look at it as what it is. Natural. Don't let Jenna teach your children.
Disclaimer **this is in no way saying that porn is bad.
There was one guy I dated who didn't fit into the normal category of scum I attracted. Don't worry, he still was a loser. I am getting to the point. While he may have been a loser he was also a late bloomer. I don't think he lost his virginity until his mid-twenties. Now, I am not bagging on that. In fact, if that is your motive, by all means, POWER TO YA! This is not the point. We had the conversation about virginity losses and such and I remember him saying this "You would never know I was a late bloomer, I watched a lot of porn". I was dumbfounded about this comment.
I took some time and tried to decipher what it was that he was actually saying. I think he was trying to advocate for porn as a learning tool. Sigh. Boys, please sit down and listen closely. Porn is not something to learn by. Ever. I know that you would love it if woman actually liked some of the porn standards. And please understand that I am not speaking for every woman. Just a small majority.
The idea that porn, which is fantasy, can teach you anything about the real world is sad. And this leads me to the real point. This is what is wrong with society. For some reason the idea of talking about sex has become so taboo. Take for instance the state that I live in. Utah. Not too long ago we were rated as the leader in porn love. People were in shock and awe. How could our state, with it's religious background and religious politics ever lead in such a filthy dirty poll?
Might have something to do with the fact that sex is looked at as something dirty. Boys can't ask their fathers about it, sure as hell can't ask their mothers. Can't ask their friends, cause then the friend might tell the bishop to try and save his friend. So the boy hides all of this desires and confusion and finally, when he is alone in the house, goes to the net and finds a wealth of "knowledge" on the subject.
Now we have a boy who has decided that what he sees in porn is the norm. Woman being objectified and demeaned.(I know this isn't always the case, but lets be honest it is for a huge percentage)He thinks women like to be hurt or called names. This becomes his idea of norm. And the cycle continues.
What is my point? That we need to move away from seeing sex as something that is bad and look at it as what it is. Natural. Don't let Jenna teach your children.
Disclaimer **this is in no way saying that porn is bad.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Mom, I have the best news ever
I was so tempted, because of the festivities of the day, to call my mom and tell her that finally I was carrying her grandchild. The temptation was almost more than I could handle. Luckily I was intelligent enough to realize that it would likely cause some type of cardic disaster. So I decline. Sigh, boring. Really, it almost would have been worth it. It would serve her right for being so nosey.
The sis and I found out on Sunday that our puppy has a tumor. :( Quite sad. Even worse was that the vet we went to on Sunday told us it would cost upwards of $800 to remove it. I won't name names... but it is a chain vet. The only reason we have gone there is the ease factor. We don't operate on normal schedules, Sunday's are our day of errands and pet health.
I called Rexy and asked for her vet, whom she has always loved. I have never met a vet that I love so much. He was fantastic with Louie and made me feel great. To cut to the chase, he told us it would cost $250.
What is so sad is that a Vet would charge so much and feel good about it.
The sis and I found out on Sunday that our puppy has a tumor. :( Quite sad. Even worse was that the vet we went to on Sunday told us it would cost upwards of $800 to remove it. I won't name names... but it is a chain vet. The only reason we have gone there is the ease factor. We don't operate on normal schedules, Sunday's are our day of errands and pet health.
I called Rexy and asked for her vet, whom she has always loved. I have never met a vet that I love so much. He was fantastic with Louie and made me feel great. To cut to the chase, he told us it would cost $250.
What is so sad is that a Vet would charge so much and feel good about it.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Home Sweet Home
It has been a long, if not wonderful, week. I am so glad to be home. My Aunt is doing very well and as the doctor said "almost over the hump".
I've slept most of the day, trying to catch up on all the missed hours of sleep.. or the hours spent sleeping on a hard couch in the waiting room. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to sleep in my own bed... even if it will be filled with two cats who missed me.
I will possibly take weeks to rid the bags underneath my eyes. It looks as if I packed my entire closet there.
And St Louis... what is with the sudden disappreance of BBQ?
I've slept most of the day, trying to catch up on all the missed hours of sleep.. or the hours spent sleeping on a hard couch in the waiting room. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to sleep in my own bed... even if it will be filled with two cats who missed me.
I will possibly take weeks to rid the bags underneath my eyes. It looks as if I packed my entire closet there.
And St Louis... what is with the sudden disappreance of BBQ?
Monday, March 9, 2009
Is it only Monday?
Friday I flew into St Louis with my mom. My Aunt has been having heart problems nearly as long as I can remember. She had a bypass surgery when I was in my early teens. Four years ago she had to have a pacemaker/defib. Then... last year her heart, well it pretty much gave up. She spent countless days in the hospital and we weren't sure she would pull through. She did, miraculously.
Since that time she has been on the heart transplant list, technically what is considered the second list. These are the people that aren't severe enough, but still need a new heart. Last week her heart had another episode of just not wanting to work. She was rushed to Barnes-Jewish Hospital in STL (one of the top place for heart transplants). The outcome was grim. She would either leave with a heart or not leave at all.
My mom decided to come out, see what she could do. No one really knew what was going to happen or how quickly it would. All we knew is while it was horrible that she was in such bad shape, it meant she went up to the first list. She was actually number 2 on that list.
Sometime on Thursday she moved up to spot number one, still we had no idea how long of a process this would be. When my mom and I arrived late Friday we went into see her. She looked better than expected and actually was doing so well that they were thinking of sending her home Monday(today). That was a scary thought but all we wanted was what was best.
We had a late dinner and then proceeded back to the apartment. My mom and I, still on Utah time, didn't get to bed until after midnight. I was half-awaken by the sound of some phone but didn't fully register anything until my mom came running into the room "They have a heart, THEY HAVE A HEART". I shot out of bed before she could get the second part out. I threw on a bra and shoes and we were ready to go. The call came in at 3:03am. We were at the Hospital by 3:15. I was able to get three woman, well over the age of 50, in the car and to the hospital in less than 15 minutes. Let me tell you, it is no easy task. Especially since I had never driven to the hospital before.
It was a potential heart and we didn't know until just before 5am that it was a match. She was in surgery by 5:15am and out almost 7 hours later. The surgery went as well as could be expected. Things have been slow since. At first the heart wasn't working like they wanted, so they kept her sedated, to give her body time to do it's thing.
As it stands today, she is doing well. They just took her off the ventilator and plan on slowly weening her off the pain med, which she apparently wasn't very thrilled with (and who can blame her). Her kidneys and liver aren't doing 100% (which is actually pretty normal). So the news isn't stellar, but it isn't horrible.
I would like to thank:
Jennifer at BJH, for being a wonderful case-worker. She has put us up in a temp housing unit for people pre & post transplant. It cost next to nothing, is fairly close to the hospital, and has a kitchen.
Barb and Daniel, two of my Aunt's nurses. They are extraordinary people and make me question whether I should have been a nurse (I thought about it, a lot, when I was younger)
The STL police, or hopefully. I ran a few lights on the way to the hospital, and you happen to have cameras out here (stupid!). So when you see that license plate... try to refrain.
And to all the people who have sent me thoughts and prayers. It has been a long few days (feels like a week) and it makes it a little easier to here from you.
Hugs and kisses!
DONATE ORGANS! ;)
Since that time she has been on the heart transplant list, technically what is considered the second list. These are the people that aren't severe enough, but still need a new heart. Last week her heart had another episode of just not wanting to work. She was rushed to Barnes-Jewish Hospital in STL (one of the top place for heart transplants). The outcome was grim. She would either leave with a heart or not leave at all.
My mom decided to come out, see what she could do. No one really knew what was going to happen or how quickly it would. All we knew is while it was horrible that she was in such bad shape, it meant she went up to the first list. She was actually number 2 on that list.
Sometime on Thursday she moved up to spot number one, still we had no idea how long of a process this would be. When my mom and I arrived late Friday we went into see her. She looked better than expected and actually was doing so well that they were thinking of sending her home Monday(today). That was a scary thought but all we wanted was what was best.
We had a late dinner and then proceeded back to the apartment. My mom and I, still on Utah time, didn't get to bed until after midnight. I was half-awaken by the sound of some phone but didn't fully register anything until my mom came running into the room "They have a heart, THEY HAVE A HEART". I shot out of bed before she could get the second part out. I threw on a bra and shoes and we were ready to go. The call came in at 3:03am. We were at the Hospital by 3:15. I was able to get three woman, well over the age of 50, in the car and to the hospital in less than 15 minutes. Let me tell you, it is no easy task. Especially since I had never driven to the hospital before.
It was a potential heart and we didn't know until just before 5am that it was a match. She was in surgery by 5:15am and out almost 7 hours later. The surgery went as well as could be expected. Things have been slow since. At first the heart wasn't working like they wanted, so they kept her sedated, to give her body time to do it's thing.
As it stands today, she is doing well. They just took her off the ventilator and plan on slowly weening her off the pain med, which she apparently wasn't very thrilled with (and who can blame her). Her kidneys and liver aren't doing 100% (which is actually pretty normal). So the news isn't stellar, but it isn't horrible.
I would like to thank:
Jennifer at BJH, for being a wonderful case-worker. She has put us up in a temp housing unit for people pre & post transplant. It cost next to nothing, is fairly close to the hospital, and has a kitchen.
Barb and Daniel, two of my Aunt's nurses. They are extraordinary people and make me question whether I should have been a nurse (I thought about it, a lot, when I was younger)
The STL police, or hopefully. I ran a few lights on the way to the hospital, and you happen to have cameras out here (stupid!). So when you see that license plate... try to refrain.
And to all the people who have sent me thoughts and prayers. It has been a long few days (feels like a week) and it makes it a little easier to here from you.
Hugs and kisses!
DONATE ORGANS! ;)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Dear Lord
I know that it has been more than a few days since I last took the time to speak with you. I think the most recent conversation we had was me begging for your help and guidance as I went through the many trials of my ex-husband. You pulled through, you gave me the support and assistance I so desperately needed. I cherished the insight and reflection you helped me achieve.
Since that time I have come closer to understanding exactly what defines my relationship with you. I learned that it isn’t defined by me going to church every Sunday or giving you a certain percentage of my salary. You don’t truly care about those things. You are interested in a personal relationship with me, one that signifies that sacrifices that you made. And I understand this and treasure it.
You don’t cause me to feel guilt or regret. You help me learn from my mistakes and seek the forgiveness I need from those who can give it to me. You don’t expect me to be perfect, but hope that I will lead by example. I don’t feel that you judge me to the harsh level that those around me do. You love me for who I am, no questions ask. You may not agree with all the choices I make or the paths I chose to follow, but your love for me never falters.
I never question whether or not you will be there for me the next time I need you. I never worry that I haven’t done enough good deeds or bowed my head enough times. I know that there aren’t specific requirements for me to be worthy of your love. I just have to be me and believe that you are you.
You don’t fault me for not being perfect, in fact, you relish in the small imperfections that make me who I am. You have never expected me to be someone else. You love me, every moment, without hesitation, just for being the person I am.
Jesus, I don’t hate you, but I am having a hard time loving those who use your name to spew hate. I want so badly to believe that there is good in every one, but the words spoken with true vindication make this task near impossible. How can I love a person who uses your name to sponsor their war of hatred and animosity towards another one of your children? How can we, as a race of humans, not love all of our brothers and sisters?
Lord, this is why I have moved away from religion speaking in your name. The message has been tainted; the seed is no longer growing. This world is using your name in vain, in the worst way possible. You love all of your children, with out question. But there are many people out there using your name and your word to rationalize violence, bigotry, and inequality.
I know, in my heart and the deep sorrows of my soul, that this is not your intention. I know, with severe strength, that you love everyone and ask us to do the same. I will continue to believe in you and the message that you have given this world. However, I can no longer support or believe in the people that use your name and word to substantiate their negativity and abhorrence upon my sisters and brothers.
Since that time I have come closer to understanding exactly what defines my relationship with you. I learned that it isn’t defined by me going to church every Sunday or giving you a certain percentage of my salary. You don’t truly care about those things. You are interested in a personal relationship with me, one that signifies that sacrifices that you made. And I understand this and treasure it.
You don’t cause me to feel guilt or regret. You help me learn from my mistakes and seek the forgiveness I need from those who can give it to me. You don’t expect me to be perfect, but hope that I will lead by example. I don’t feel that you judge me to the harsh level that those around me do. You love me for who I am, no questions ask. You may not agree with all the choices I make or the paths I chose to follow, but your love for me never falters.
I never question whether or not you will be there for me the next time I need you. I never worry that I haven’t done enough good deeds or bowed my head enough times. I know that there aren’t specific requirements for me to be worthy of your love. I just have to be me and believe that you are you.
You don’t fault me for not being perfect, in fact, you relish in the small imperfections that make me who I am. You have never expected me to be someone else. You love me, every moment, without hesitation, just for being the person I am.
Jesus, I don’t hate you, but I am having a hard time loving those who use your name to spew hate. I want so badly to believe that there is good in every one, but the words spoken with true vindication make this task near impossible. How can I love a person who uses your name to sponsor their war of hatred and animosity towards another one of your children? How can we, as a race of humans, not love all of our brothers and sisters?
Lord, this is why I have moved away from religion speaking in your name. The message has been tainted; the seed is no longer growing. This world is using your name in vain, in the worst way possible. You love all of your children, with out question. But there are many people out there using your name and your word to rationalize violence, bigotry, and inequality.
I know, in my heart and the deep sorrows of my soul, that this is not your intention. I know, with severe strength, that you love everyone and ask us to do the same. I will continue to believe in you and the message that you have given this world. However, I can no longer support or believe in the people that use your name and word to substantiate their negativity and abhorrence upon my sisters and brothers.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The wonder of it all
I came on to myspace quite late in the game... and even later with facebook. Sure there are wonderful things about this whole social networking craze... I met the wonderful BFF and found some friends that I hadn't seen in years (MLo).
But these sites, where we can find people we haven't seen in over a decade, well the have a sense of wonder about them. I am now talking to people I haven't conversed with since my mouth was full of wire. These are people that I had completely written off, people I actually wouldn't give a passing thought to.
It is a normal part of life to move one. Talk to your parents, you might be surprised at how few people they went to high school with are still in their lives. But these days it is normal to have a weekly "wall-to-wall" with some guy who was best friends with the guy you dated when you were 15.
I am a nostalgic person, I actually enjoy this. And part of that may come from the mass amount of friends I had growing up. I moved around, a lot, and found myself meeting new people and making new friends more often than the average teenager. So in my life time I have known more people than your average Jane. And for the most part, after I moved I moved on.
And if it weren't for the wonderful world of the Internet, chances are that I never would have spoken another word to any of these people. Instead I get that opportunity, the chance to say "remember when we were 14 and..." with out the internet, or with out online social networking, I wouldn't have that chance.
And with this comes the obvious wonderment of where would I be now if I hadn't left. Would I be in a different place, would I be a different person? Am I better now then I would've been. Would I have married a loser? Would I have taken ten years to finish school?
All these questions run through my mind. Thankfully I can say that regardless if I am here or there, I have a life to be proud of. Part of that is thanks to the people that have graced me, then... and now.
But these sites, where we can find people we haven't seen in over a decade, well the have a sense of wonder about them. I am now talking to people I haven't conversed with since my mouth was full of wire. These are people that I had completely written off, people I actually wouldn't give a passing thought to.
It is a normal part of life to move one. Talk to your parents, you might be surprised at how few people they went to high school with are still in their lives. But these days it is normal to have a weekly "wall-to-wall" with some guy who was best friends with the guy you dated when you were 15.
I am a nostalgic person, I actually enjoy this. And part of that may come from the mass amount of friends I had growing up. I moved around, a lot, and found myself meeting new people and making new friends more often than the average teenager. So in my life time I have known more people than your average Jane. And for the most part, after I moved I moved on.
And if it weren't for the wonderful world of the Internet, chances are that I never would have spoken another word to any of these people. Instead I get that opportunity, the chance to say "remember when we were 14 and..." with out the internet, or with out online social networking, I wouldn't have that chance.
And with this comes the obvious wonderment of where would I be now if I hadn't left. Would I be in a different place, would I be a different person? Am I better now then I would've been. Would I have married a loser? Would I have taken ten years to finish school?
All these questions run through my mind. Thankfully I can say that regardless if I am here or there, I have a life to be proud of. Part of that is thanks to the people that have graced me, then... and now.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The List Begins
Currently I am taking my last official class for my MBA. I say official because I still have two more classes so I will have a certification for Master Level Marketing... But those classes, I will love, I will cherish. The current class which I have deemed HELL, I can't wait for it to be over. I shouldn't have saved Advanced Managerial Finance for last, I just should have bitten the bullet.
So I am going to start the list, the list of things I will do when I actually have free time. Top of that list, Don't sign up for more shit that takes time. I tend to over-extend myself, I like to be busy... and seem to be incapable of finding the line between busy and crazy.
I also want to do nothing educational. I want to read what I want to read, not what I have to read. I want to finally finish painting my room. I want to get the kitchen remodel done. I want to paint away all the ugly ass colors in this house. I want to fix all the half-assed shit in this house.
And I want to have time to spend with the people I love... uninterrupted time. Time where I am not worried about what I have pushed aside. I just want to breath.
And possibly drink, lots.
So I am going to start the list, the list of things I will do when I actually have free time. Top of that list, Don't sign up for more shit that takes time. I tend to over-extend myself, I like to be busy... and seem to be incapable of finding the line between busy and crazy.
I also want to do nothing educational. I want to read what I want to read, not what I have to read. I want to finally finish painting my room. I want to get the kitchen remodel done. I want to paint away all the ugly ass colors in this house. I want to fix all the half-assed shit in this house.
And I want to have time to spend with the people I love... uninterrupted time. Time where I am not worried about what I have pushed aside. I just want to breath.
And possibly drink, lots.
The Missing Iron
For the last few weeks I have been slowly going insane looking for my iron. No, I didn't hit the BFF in the face with it. I just coulnd't find it. Which is weird since my ironing board is right there.
Last night I woke up from a weird ass dream and looked at my dresser. There it was in plain fucking site.
So either A) I am going crazy or B) The Trolls are back.
I vote for the Trolls. Fuckers make my life misreable.
Last night I woke up from a weird ass dream and looked at my dresser. There it was in plain fucking site.
So either A) I am going crazy or B) The Trolls are back.
I vote for the Trolls. Fuckers make my life misreable.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Position Downgrade
BFF no more.
I can't refer to him as a best friend forever any longer. He is now just a best friend.
It is tragedy. Shakespeare couldn't have wrote a better one. I am not being dramatic at all. This is a life changing event.
The former BFF (as he will be referred to going forward) and I tell each other everything. And when I say everything I don't mean discussions about bowel functions, well at least not on a regular basis. When I say everything I mean all of the important things. This includes are love life. Actually our love life is one of the major things we discuss.
If you know me or the former BFF you know that the trials and journeys we have experienced are stories that may be impossible to top. Regardless of how embarrassing something is, we share it.
There was one time I didn't want to tell him something. Once. And holding out lasted all of five minutes. All he had to do was say "friends don't make secrets and secrets don't make friends". I caved quicker then a hooker looking for a fix.
I know, through a series of short texts, that he is dating someone new. Now, normally within a few dates we have full disclosure. I know everything he knows about the person and vice-verse. The first person a potential significant other meets is the BFF and again, vice-verse. We have both faced battles with partners. Apparently some people don't think a man and woman can be just friends, but that is another story for another time.
So... I was talking to him the other night and asked about her, since he had neglected to tell me about her. And guess what. HE WONT TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT HER. I know, gasp! Nothing. Not a single small insignificant detail. Sigh.
This is unexpected and unacceptable. I even tried the "friends don't make secrets and secrets don't make friends" technique. Nothing. So I decided to play the guilt card.... "I hope I don't die tonight and you have to live with the guilt of not telling me". He didn't cave. Nope. Instead he made ME feel guilty with "If you die tomorrow I will have more worries than guilt". Sigh. Fine. He loves me blah blah blah. Fucker still won't tell me.
Now I think it is a game. He won't tell me because he knows it is driving me closer to mad. Which is a nice play.
So until he tells me... he is the former BFF.
I can't refer to him as a best friend forever any longer. He is now just a best friend.
It is tragedy. Shakespeare couldn't have wrote a better one. I am not being dramatic at all. This is a life changing event.
The former BFF (as he will be referred to going forward) and I tell each other everything. And when I say everything I don't mean discussions about bowel functions, well at least not on a regular basis. When I say everything I mean all of the important things. This includes are love life. Actually our love life is one of the major things we discuss.
If you know me or the former BFF you know that the trials and journeys we have experienced are stories that may be impossible to top. Regardless of how embarrassing something is, we share it.
There was one time I didn't want to tell him something. Once. And holding out lasted all of five minutes. All he had to do was say "friends don't make secrets and secrets don't make friends". I caved quicker then a hooker looking for a fix.
I know, through a series of short texts, that he is dating someone new. Now, normally within a few dates we have full disclosure. I know everything he knows about the person and vice-verse. The first person a potential significant other meets is the BFF and again, vice-verse. We have both faced battles with partners. Apparently some people don't think a man and woman can be just friends, but that is another story for another time.
So... I was talking to him the other night and asked about her, since he had neglected to tell me about her. And guess what. HE WONT TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT HER. I know, gasp! Nothing. Not a single small insignificant detail. Sigh.
This is unexpected and unacceptable. I even tried the "friends don't make secrets and secrets don't make friends" technique. Nothing. So I decided to play the guilt card.... "I hope I don't die tonight and you have to live with the guilt of not telling me". He didn't cave. Nope. Instead he made ME feel guilty with "If you die tomorrow I will have more worries than guilt". Sigh. Fine. He loves me blah blah blah. Fucker still won't tell me.
Now I think it is a game. He won't tell me because he knows it is driving me closer to mad. Which is a nice play.
So until he tells me... he is the former BFF.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Thinking
What do you do when you love someone but have to say good bye? Is there an answer to that. I will apologize ahead, blogs for the next little while will be reflective and depressive.
Only one other time in the history of my dating life did I manage this extrodinary feat. I was very young and I think that made it easier. You'd think these things come with age.
Love is such a great thing, an experienced that makes all the pain in our lives worth it. But love can't be forced, it can't be manipulated. It has to be given freely, and without strings. Love with condition is not healthy.
Sometimes that type of love isn't there anymore. So how do you say good bye to it, how do you walk away?
I don't know how. I don't know how to walk away with out losing part of myself again. And I have worked so hard to get to this point in my life. Maybe in that work I did something wrong.
Only one other time in the history of my dating life did I manage this extrodinary feat. I was very young and I think that made it easier. You'd think these things come with age.
Love is such a great thing, an experienced that makes all the pain in our lives worth it. But love can't be forced, it can't be manipulated. It has to be given freely, and without strings. Love with condition is not healthy.
Sometimes that type of love isn't there anymore. So how do you say good bye to it, how do you walk away?
I don't know how. I don't know how to walk away with out losing part of myself again. And I have worked so hard to get to this point in my life. Maybe in that work I did something wrong.
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