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BFF no more.

I can't refer to him as a best friend forever any longer. He is now just a best friend.

It is tragedy. Shakespeare couldn't have wrote a better one. I am not being dramatic at all. This is a life changing event.

The former BFF (as he will be referred to going forward) and I tell each other everything. And when I say everything I don't mean discussions about bowel functions, well at least not on a regular basis. When I say everything I mean all of the important things. This includes are love life. Actually our love life is one of the major things we discuss.

If you know me or the former BFF you know that the trials and journeys we have experienced are stories that may be impossible to top. Regardless of how embarrassing something is, we share it.

There was one time I didn't want to tell him something. Once. And holding out lasted all of five minutes. All he had to do was say "friends don't make secrets and secrets don't make friends". I caved quicker then a hooker looking for a fix.

I know, through a series of short texts, that he is dating someone new. Now, normally within a few dates we have full disclosure. I know everything he knows about the person and vice-verse. The first person a potential significant other meets is the BFF and again, vice-verse. We have both faced battles with partners. Apparently some people don't think a man and woman can be just friends, but that is another story for another time.

So... I was talking to him the other night and asked about her, since he had neglected to tell me about her. And guess what. HE WONT TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT HER. I know, gasp! Nothing. Not a single small insignificant detail. Sigh.

This is unexpected and unacceptable. I even tried the "friends don't make secrets and secrets don't make friends" technique. Nothing. So I decided to play the guilt card.... "I hope I don't die tonight and you have to live with the guilt of not telling me". He didn't cave. Nope. Instead he made ME feel guilty with "If you die tomorrow I will have more worries than guilt". Sigh. Fine. He loves me blah blah blah. Fucker still won't tell me.

Now I think it is a game. He won't tell me because he knows it is driving me closer to mad. Which is a nice play.

So until he tells me... he is the former BFF.

Thinking

What do you do when you love someone but have to say good bye? Is there an answer to that. I will apologize ahead, blogs for the next little while will be reflective and depressive.

Only one other time in the history of my dating life did I manage this extrodinary feat. I was very young and I think that made it easier. You'd think these things come with age.

Love is such a great thing, an experienced that makes all the pain in our lives worth it. But love can't be forced, it can't be manipulated. It has to be given freely, and without strings. Love with condition is not healthy.

Sometimes that type of love isn't there anymore. So how do you say good bye to it, how do you walk away?

I don't know how. I don't know how to walk away with out losing part of myself again. And I have worked so hard to get to this point in my life. Maybe in that work I did something wrong.