I have neglected this far too long. Actually I have neglected many things for far too long. Like a social life. I think I almost remember what having one was like. Oh, the joy of coming home from work and then having nothing pressing to do save for laundry or making dinner.
When I made the decision (with the blessing of the Husband) to get a doctorate... I think my thought process was something along the lines of, "Hey, why the hell not. Can't be much harder than the other two". I was wrong. So very very very wrong. It has very much sucked the life out of me. When I come home from work I do one of two things (besides crying, I almost always cry), I study or I zone out. The Husband and I haven't been to a movie since, wow... I think it was Clash of the Titans. My social life (and his by association) consists of bowling once a week and going to my parents for Sunday dinner.
I am not sure I regret the decision, I still am fascinated with different topics. I tried to explain my love of change management to the Husband and I believe his eyes glazed over. In fact, I am sure it was the same expression he gets from me when he starts talking IT. What I regret is not having a firmed up dissertation topic. I think (feel) I am behind.
I have a new academic rep (again, like for the tenth time) and he informed me that he wants me to have (I think he said his goal is for me to have, I took it as an order...) my prospectus done (rough draft) before my next residency. Prospectus? I don't even have a DAMN topic yet. Before I was feeling fine with my lack of a topic, I was still researching different ideas. Now? Now the lack of topic is like the hugest weight possible on my shoulders (well besides guilt from my mother, that will win, hands down, every time).
Sigh, can someone just give me a topic? I need to quit being so indecisive!
