Dear Lord

I know that it has been more than a few days since I last took the time to speak with you. I think the most recent conversation we had was me begging for your help and guidance as I went through the many trials of my ex-husband. You pulled through, you gave me the support and assistance I so desperately needed. I cherished the insight and reflection you helped me achieve.

Since that time I have come closer to understanding exactly what defines my relationship with you. I learned that it isn’t defined by me going to church every Sunday or giving you a certain percentage of my salary. You don’t truly care about those things. You are interested in a personal relationship with me, one that signifies that sacrifices that you made. And I understand this and treasure it.

You don’t cause me to feel guilt or regret. You help me learn from my mistakes and seek the forgiveness I need from those who can give it to me. You don’t expect me to be perfect, but hope that I will lead by example. I don’t feel that you judge me to the harsh level that those around me do. You love me for who I am, no questions ask. You may not agree with all the choices I make or the paths I chose to follow, but your love for me never falters.

I never question whether or not you will be there for me the next time I need you. I never worry that I haven’t done enough good deeds or bowed my head enough times. I know that there aren’t specific requirements for me to be worthy of your love. I just have to be me and believe that you are you.

You don’t fault me for not being perfect, in fact, you relish in the small imperfections that make me who I am. You have never expected me to be someone else. You love me, every moment, without hesitation, just for being the person I am.

Jesus, I don’t hate you, but I am having a hard time loving those who use your name to spew hate. I want so badly to believe that there is good in every one, but the words spoken with true vindication make this task near impossible. How can I love a person who uses your name to sponsor their war of hatred and animosity towards another one of your children? How can we, as a race of humans, not love all of our brothers and sisters?

Lord, this is why I have moved away from religion speaking in your name. The message has been tainted; the seed is no longer growing. This world is using your name in vain, in the worst way possible. You love all of your children, with out question. But there are many people out there using your name and your word to rationalize violence, bigotry, and inequality.

I know, in my heart and the deep sorrows of my soul, that this is not your intention. I know, with severe strength, that you love everyone and ask us to do the same. I will continue to believe in you and the message that you have given this world. However, I can no longer support or believe in the people that use your name and word to substantiate their negativity and abhorrence upon my sisters and brothers.

The wonder of it all

I came on to myspace quite late in the game... and even later with facebook. Sure there are wonderful things about this whole social networking craze... I met the wonderful BFF and found some friends that I hadn't seen in years (MLo).

But these sites, where we can find people we haven't seen in over a decade, well the have a sense of wonder about them. I am now talking to people I haven't conversed with since my mouth was full of wire. These are people that I had completely written off, people I actually wouldn't give a passing thought to.

It is a normal part of life to move one. Talk to your parents, you might be surprised at how few people they went to high school with are still in their lives. But these days it is normal to have a weekly "wall-to-wall" with some guy who was best friends with the guy you dated when you were 15.

I am a nostalgic person, I actually enjoy this. And part of that may come from the mass amount of friends I had growing up. I moved around, a lot, and found myself meeting new people and making new friends more often than the average teenager. So in my life time I have known more people than your average Jane. And for the most part, after I moved I moved on.

And if it weren't for the wonderful world of the Internet, chances are that I never would have spoken another word to any of these people. Instead I get that opportunity, the chance to say "remember when we were 14 and..." with out the internet, or with out online social networking, I wouldn't have that chance.

And with this comes the obvious wonderment of where would I be now if I hadn't left. Would I be in a different place, would I be a different person? Am I better now then I would've been. Would I have married a loser? Would I have taken ten years to finish school?

All these questions run through my mind. Thankfully I can say that regardless if I am here or there, I have a life to be proud of. Part of that is thanks to the people that have graced me, then... and now.

The List Begins

Currently I am taking my last official class for my MBA. I say official because I still have two more classes so I will have a certification for Master Level Marketing... But those classes, I will love, I will cherish. The current class which I have deemed HELL, I can't wait for it to be over. I shouldn't have saved Advanced Managerial Finance for last, I just should have bitten the bullet.

So I am going to start the list, the list of things I will do when I actually have free time. Top of that list, Don't sign up for more shit that takes time. I tend to over-extend myself, I like to be busy... and seem to be incapable of finding the line between busy and crazy.

I also want to do nothing educational. I want to read what I want to read, not what I have to read. I want to finally finish painting my room. I want to get the kitchen remodel done. I want to paint away all the ugly ass colors in this house. I want to fix all the half-assed shit in this house.

And I want to have time to spend with the people I love... uninterrupted time. Time where I am not worried about what I have pushed aside. I just want to breath.

And possibly drink, lots.

The Missing Iron

For the last few weeks I have been slowly going insane looking for my iron. No, I didn't hit the BFF in the face with it. I just coulnd't find it. Which is weird since my ironing board is right there.

Last night I woke up from a weird ass dream and looked at my dresser. There it was in plain fucking site.

So either A) I am going crazy or B) The Trolls are back.

I vote for the Trolls. Fuckers make my life misreable.