It is inevitable. When I really need to world to be on my side, it isn't. Only when I need things to run smoothly does my life turn into a chaotic drama that is made for TV. While this is very much my history I am one of those naive (read stupid) people who tends to hope for something better.
Really world? Done shitting on me?
Now of course I know that people have worse problems then me. But guess what, this is MY blog, so MY problems are the center of discussion. If you don't want to read about ME, MYSELF, and I... probably should find another blog. Oh wait... no one reads anyway.
Dear god (and world), please play nice. Thanks much.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Kansas City Calling
It has been more than a few years since I have been able to get back to KC for a pleasant reason. I have a multitude of memories from my childhood that surround the area, but it seems I can’t grasp on to them. I had a very sobering trip. I had gone for work and had told myself I would just stay at the hotel, avoid the known. Unfortunately, as it usually is with me, I am drawn to my past and memories that are so tightly bound.
The positive, I was able to spend a few hours talking with my aunt and uncle, sharing stories of the good times.
The negative, no matter how hard we all try, there is an emptiness that can’t be filled. Death is so tragic, even when we expect it. It doesn’t matter how we prepare or how me plan on coping, it will always win the battle. After leaving my aunt and uncle’s I ventured to the familiar neighborhood of my youthful memories. I found myself pulled over on the side of the road as the tears poured. I attended her funeral, I said my prayers, released the pain. Yet somehow, I haven’t fully grieved. I was very much consumed with the pain and suffering that goes hand and hand with death. As I continued to drive I found myself, once again, avoiding the hotel and driving to the park we spent hours at, past the church where she dedicated much of her time. With every landmark the pain seemed to deepen.
As we age death becomes a more intimate part of our lives. Those we knew when we were younger have succumbed to the path of life, leaving us behind.
I still miss you, and I spent the last few days remembering the importance behind your life and the uncountable number of souls you touched. With each day that goes by I will continue to honor your memory, even if it is in the smallest, most insignificant way. Thank you for your role in making me who I am today, for showing me that I can accomplish anything, for believing that I was special. If I can only be this to one person then my life has had purpose.
The positive, I was able to spend a few hours talking with my aunt and uncle, sharing stories of the good times.
The negative, no matter how hard we all try, there is an emptiness that can’t be filled. Death is so tragic, even when we expect it. It doesn’t matter how we prepare or how me plan on coping, it will always win the battle. After leaving my aunt and uncle’s I ventured to the familiar neighborhood of my youthful memories. I found myself pulled over on the side of the road as the tears poured. I attended her funeral, I said my prayers, released the pain. Yet somehow, I haven’t fully grieved. I was very much consumed with the pain and suffering that goes hand and hand with death. As I continued to drive I found myself, once again, avoiding the hotel and driving to the park we spent hours at, past the church where she dedicated much of her time. With every landmark the pain seemed to deepen.
As we age death becomes a more intimate part of our lives. Those we knew when we were younger have succumbed to the path of life, leaving us behind.
I still miss you, and I spent the last few days remembering the importance behind your life and the uncountable number of souls you touched. With each day that goes by I will continue to honor your memory, even if it is in the smallest, most insignificant way. Thank you for your role in making me who I am today, for showing me that I can accomplish anything, for believing that I was special. If I can only be this to one person then my life has had purpose.
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