Dear Lord

I know that it has been more than a few days since I last took the time to speak with you. I think the most recent conversation we had was me begging for your help and guidance as I went through the many trials of my ex-husband. You pulled through, you gave me the support and assistance I so desperately needed. I cherished the insight and reflection you helped me achieve.

Since that time I have come closer to understanding exactly what defines my relationship with you. I learned that it isn’t defined by me going to church every Sunday or giving you a certain percentage of my salary. You don’t truly care about those things. You are interested in a personal relationship with me, one that signifies that sacrifices that you made. And I understand this and treasure it.

You don’t cause me to feel guilt or regret. You help me learn from my mistakes and seek the forgiveness I need from those who can give it to me. You don’t expect me to be perfect, but hope that I will lead by example. I don’t feel that you judge me to the harsh level that those around me do. You love me for who I am, no questions ask. You may not agree with all the choices I make or the paths I chose to follow, but your love for me never falters.

I never question whether or not you will be there for me the next time I need you. I never worry that I haven’t done enough good deeds or bowed my head enough times. I know that there aren’t specific requirements for me to be worthy of your love. I just have to be me and believe that you are you.

You don’t fault me for not being perfect, in fact, you relish in the small imperfections that make me who I am. You have never expected me to be someone else. You love me, every moment, without hesitation, just for being the person I am.

Jesus, I don’t hate you, but I am having a hard time loving those who use your name to spew hate. I want so badly to believe that there is good in every one, but the words spoken with true vindication make this task near impossible. How can I love a person who uses your name to sponsor their war of hatred and animosity towards another one of your children? How can we, as a race of humans, not love all of our brothers and sisters?

Lord, this is why I have moved away from religion speaking in your name. The message has been tainted; the seed is no longer growing. This world is using your name in vain, in the worst way possible. You love all of your children, with out question. But there are many people out there using your name and your word to rationalize violence, bigotry, and inequality.

I know, in my heart and the deep sorrows of my soul, that this is not your intention. I know, with severe strength, that you love everyone and ask us to do the same. I will continue to believe in you and the message that you have given this world. However, I can no longer support or believe in the people that use your name and word to substantiate their negativity and abhorrence upon my sisters and brothers.