It would be this weekend. It wasn't that something drastic and life-altering happened. In fact the main thing that I would change is that I would get more homework done. And by more I mean more then the absolute NOTHING that I accomplished during my two solemn days. This is how school has always been for me. In the beginning I have great aspirations, I am committed to doing everything that it takes to get an A. Then somewhere, around the third week or so I lose that commitment. All I do is procrastinate, so badly that it is now Monday and by Wednesday I have to have a ten page Gap Analysis done. Gap Analysis' suck, badly.
I spent some time this weekend to myself, one of my favorite things to do. There are times in every one's life that they just need to escape the dread and disdain. I do this by not functioning at all. Usually this happens to me on Sundays. I didn't move from mid-morning until it was time to go to bed. I could have not moved and worked on my paper, but that would go against what I was accomplishing.
It is during these times of silent reprieve that I focus on where I am at and where it is that I want to be going. So what did I learn? I am NOT where I want to be and I have a long ways to go before I am. Nothing real new there. Yes I am harder on myself then I should be. I have huge expectations for me. It is almost completely to blame on first-child syndrome. Damnit, that is a lie. I have no idea what it is to blame on. The problem with having these grandiose expectations is that when you fall (and believe me, I fall) you fall hard.
But for me, it is better to expect more then to not expect enough. I never want to be complacent. I always want to strive for what is just out of my reach. If I fail, well I fail trying to be better. That can't be so bad.
And now for the bitchfest, since it is Monday and I am feeling it.
To the girl who broke his heart: LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE. You made the mistake and it was a huge one. You fucked up. You are the person to blame. If you want to make him the bad person to make yourself feel better, go ahead and do that, in your head. Put to vocalize this only makes you look like more and more of the bad person.
To the boy who's heart was broken: Don't let her in. One of things I love about you most is your ability to always see the good in people. There are few humans in this world that can so optimistically view their surroundings. I try hard to do this, but I am cynical. I spent years of my life living like this and unfortunately only realized that not all people are inherently good. I still look for the good in people, but after so many attempts I write them off. Unfortunately there are just some people that aren't good. I know it is part of you to want to save them and help them find their hearts, I do that too. But there comes a time when you have to just let go.
On that note I think I will stop.
Oh and I was "this close" to revealing my big little secret this weekend. Luckily I didn't. It hurts to have this secret and want to tell people but the fear of it changing everything in my life is stronger then the desire to share it.
2 comments:
Is it that you find this picture incredibly hot? Cause if so...I won't tell anyone. Except those who read this...oops.
On that note...sometimes it is good to do absolutely nothing. That was my last weekend. I watched football all weekend and that was it. This weekend has, and will continue to be productive.
Hell, you're doing an MBA for hell's sake, cut yourself some slack.
Okay...off to bed (note to self...don't play halo 3 between now and the time i walk to my bed)
Spaniard, that picture is truly what gets me up in the morning. Freak.
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