It has been more than a few years since I have been able to get back to KC for a pleasant reason. I have a multitude of memories from my childhood that surround the area, but it seems I can’t grasp on to them. I had a very sobering trip. I had gone for work and had told myself I would just stay at the hotel, avoid the known. Unfortunately, as it usually is with me, I am drawn to my past and memories that are so tightly bound.
The positive, I was able to spend a few hours talking with my aunt and uncle, sharing stories of the good times.
The negative, no matter how hard we all try, there is an emptiness that can’t be filled. Death is so tragic, even when we expect it. It doesn’t matter how we prepare or how me plan on coping, it will always win the battle. After leaving my aunt and uncle’s I ventured to the familiar neighborhood of my youthful memories. I found myself pulled over on the side of the road as the tears poured. I attended her funeral, I said my prayers, released the pain. Yet somehow, I haven’t fully grieved. I was very much consumed with the pain and suffering that goes hand and hand with death. As I continued to drive I found myself, once again, avoiding the hotel and driving to the park we spent hours at, past the church where she dedicated much of her time. With every landmark the pain seemed to deepen.
As we age death becomes a more intimate part of our lives. Those we knew when we were younger have succumbed to the path of life, leaving us behind.
I still miss you, and I spent the last few days remembering the importance behind your life and the uncountable number of souls you touched. With each day that goes by I will continue to honor your memory, even if it is in the smallest, most insignificant way. Thank you for your role in making me who I am today, for showing me that I can accomplish anything, for believing that I was special. If I can only be this to one person then my life has had purpose.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Can you beat this affection?
My cat, Cleopatra, loves to chew on body parts. She doesn't bite down hard, she nibbles. It is a sign of affection, I promise. It isn't a sign that she wants to devour your arm.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
This laugh is on you
I wonder if I am the only one that saves certain joke emails. I save them so when I am having a particularly rough day I can go to the folder and read something that will make me laugh. There is one that I have that will bring me to tears everytime I read it, it is that funny. It has pictures so I can't really share it here. If you want it let me know I will send it to you.
Everyone should have a folder like this. Here is my newest addition, an email with a random list of very true topics.
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a Jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time...
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.
Everyone should have a folder like this. Here is my newest addition, an email with a random list of very true topics.
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a Jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time...
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Take a deep....
Advance notice, this post may contain some small amounts of bitching. I warn you in advance because I don't want to hear complaints of bitching. I rarely bitch. (Yes, I was just hit by lighting).
Things are crazy busy at work. No, I am not, in any shape or form, bitching about this. I am glad things are crazy, it means I still have a job, it means I am less scared about doom and gloom.
I couldn't work 15 hour days and still not get enough done. My "to do" list gets longer and longer each day. I dream of the day when I look down at the list and see neat little checkmarks in the box next to what ever action item I have scribbled down. It is almost as good as a wet dream.
The reason this dream is so sublime, so intensly wonderful, is because it will never happen. That is okay, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job. (See how I reminded myself right there?) Everyday I come in, rarely take an actual lunch and find new and inventive ways to create reports and my projections. Have I ever mentioned my hatred of statistics? Statistics often succeed at making me their bitch. Which is cool, I hardly get to be anyone's bitch anymore.
What I hate? People who take vacation when they really can't afford to. Now I don't mean this in the monetary sense, and I don't mean this in the they don't have enough vacation time way. I mean they take vacation but don't have their shit together at the office. Which means I get to help out. Now, I am a team player, I will always help out. But it gets old, especially when the same person refuses to be a team player themselves.
Sigh, and cheers to another day!
Things are crazy busy at work. No, I am not, in any shape or form, bitching about this. I am glad things are crazy, it means I still have a job, it means I am less scared about doom and gloom.
I couldn't work 15 hour days and still not get enough done. My "to do" list gets longer and longer each day. I dream of the day when I look down at the list and see neat little checkmarks in the box next to what ever action item I have scribbled down. It is almost as good as a wet dream.
The reason this dream is so sublime, so intensly wonderful, is because it will never happen. That is okay, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job. (See how I reminded myself right there?) Everyday I come in, rarely take an actual lunch and find new and inventive ways to create reports and my projections. Have I ever mentioned my hatred of statistics? Statistics often succeed at making me their bitch. Which is cool, I hardly get to be anyone's bitch anymore.
What I hate? People who take vacation when they really can't afford to. Now I don't mean this in the monetary sense, and I don't mean this in the they don't have enough vacation time way. I mean they take vacation but don't have their shit together at the office. Which means I get to help out. Now, I am a team player, I will always help out. But it gets old, especially when the same person refuses to be a team player themselves.
Sigh, and cheers to another day!
HGTV could never prepare me
Looking for a home is too much work. I want to throw in the towel after making my first offer. They say the market is prime and there are good deals to be had. I disagree. Everything (8 out of 10 homes) are in short sell. I am avoiding short sells. I don't want to waste four months on a property only to find out that the bank really doesn't want to negotiate. So this leaves me pickings rather slim.
Finally, after a month or so of serious looking, I found a great property. It needs LOTS of work. But hey, it is a foreclosure, and in this market the bank should be willing to negotiate. At least that is what all the experts say.
I found the one property owned by a bank that didn't get the memo. What is worse is they want about 30K more for a property than it really is worth. Sure... after I drop 20K or so into it... it would be worth that amount. But I am not going to pay out of pocket to placate some man with his books.
So kids, moral of this story... house hunting BLOWS!
Finally, after a month or so of serious looking, I found a great property. It needs LOTS of work. But hey, it is a foreclosure, and in this market the bank should be willing to negotiate. At least that is what all the experts say.
I found the one property owned by a bank that didn't get the memo. What is worse is they want about 30K more for a property than it really is worth. Sure... after I drop 20K or so into it... it would be worth that amount. But I am not going to pay out of pocket to placate some man with his books.
So kids, moral of this story... house hunting BLOWS!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Book Club
You know you are truly a dork when you feel the need to have a book club. Don't laugh at me!
In high school I read so many of the classics, I think it would be great to read them again, as an adult.
This could be fleeting, as are many ideas I have.
In high school I read so many of the classics, I think it would be great to read them again, as an adult.
This could be fleeting, as are many ideas I have.
Monday, July 27, 2009
My Old Heart
I don't doubt that I have made it very apparent that I don't care too much for Utah. Sure, the state is beautiful in it's own right but there are attitudes, religion, and politics that I have a hard time dealing with. So why do I stay? There are a number of reasons. My family is there and I can't imagine living too far from my family. My friends are there and it has taken me an awful long time to find friends as wonderful and golden as the ones I now have. The BF is there, need I say more? And finally, my job is there, a job that I currently adore (minus some of the horrific travel schedules I have dealt with in the last few months). All of these things added up make Utah home, or as much home as it can ever be.
When I travel back to the midwest I fill it beckoning to me, in the deepest pits of my stomach. I feel a calmness surround me and comfort of childhood memories. I love the midwest in it's backward loving way. People are genuine, food is good, and the earth is plentiful.
I just got into Maine last night for the second time. The first trip was short and I had no chance to take in the sites. Luckily, because it is impossible to get here before 5pm, I had to fly in a day earlier. I spent the entire morning seeing the sites of Old Portland and took a small excursion to some light houses.
I am in love. Deeply, infatuated in love. While the midwest calls to me, Maine seems to wrap around my heart. I am an old soul and this city speaks to me on a level that none have before. The closest I can think to feeling this way was when I was in Boston. I love history, something that Utah lacks. I am surrounded with history here.
Sigh. Maine is my new lover. I know the BF won't mind sharing me with a state thousands of miles away. As I write this I am sitting in my hotel room listening to the sounds of the ocean (including the seagulls). How will I ever say good-bye with out breaking my heart?
When I travel back to the midwest I fill it beckoning to me, in the deepest pits of my stomach. I feel a calmness surround me and comfort of childhood memories. I love the midwest in it's backward loving way. People are genuine, food is good, and the earth is plentiful.
I just got into Maine last night for the second time. The first trip was short and I had no chance to take in the sites. Luckily, because it is impossible to get here before 5pm, I had to fly in a day earlier. I spent the entire morning seeing the sites of Old Portland and took a small excursion to some light houses.
I am in love. Deeply, infatuated in love. While the midwest calls to me, Maine seems to wrap around my heart. I am an old soul and this city speaks to me on a level that none have before. The closest I can think to feeling this way was when I was in Boston. I love history, something that Utah lacks. I am surrounded with history here.
Sigh. Maine is my new lover. I know the BF won't mind sharing me with a state thousands of miles away. As I write this I am sitting in my hotel room listening to the sounds of the ocean (including the seagulls). How will I ever say good-bye with out breaking my heart?
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