Glancing Back

Two years ago I was a different person. I was in a horrible place in my life. I was running away from everything, hiding from demons, pretending I was okay. I lost my best friend. I won't take all the blame there, and I won't hold a grudge. I'd actually say that losing her friendship was the best thing for both of us. She was able to live her life like she wanted and I was finally forced to take a good look at mine.

And I also have to thank the place I was at for giving me my BFF. If I had been in a better place, or a worse place, would've things been different?

It's funny, looking back and seeing the way nature took its course. If we had both been in different places we likely would have fucked up what has turned out to be the best thing ever for both of us. Two people, at a crossroads in their life, thrown together. And what did we do? We grew. We complimented each other and allowed each other to move past the anger and pain towards the light.

How do you place a title on something as important as that?

You hear, often, that people believe that someone entered their life for a reason. And while I have mostly agreed I never had really felt that. Until my BFF. Throwing caution and reason into the wind gave me the person who allowed me to find myself again.

I wonder how much he knows about this, does he understand the importance he played in my life? It wasn't so much by the things he did or said (although he did and said very wonderful things) but it was just being there. He was the first person I allowed in after shutting so many people out. And he allowed me to finally understand what it would take to let other people in.

I can't completely thank him for my transformation, but I can thank him for unknowingly giving me hope to care again. Hope to love again. With out him I don't think I'd be able to give the person I love now as much as I do. With out him I probably would've settled for alone or settled for less than what I deserve.

The point of this is that closing yourself off seems like a wonderful idea, but in so many ways, opening yourself up is the answer.