When things change

A little history is needed, or maybe it isn't needed but I will provide it none the less.

I forced myself to be celibate on two seperate occassions. The first time was after I left my ex husband and lasted for just under a year. I felt that it would have been far to easy for me to jump into bed and ignore some of the problems I had.

The second bout was forced a few months after the first session ended. Because I learned that while I had remained celibate for almost a year I had done nothing to deal with my issues and fears in regards to relationships and sex.

I am not sure if I had really dealt with my relationship issues. And maybe I didn't really have any I just was waiting for the right person (enter the wonderful BF).

During the forced celibacy I managed to deal with some of the issues I can thank my ex-husband for. I have never really openly discussed all of the problems and maybe at some time I will be able to. But this forced period of time helped me understand very important things.

So how is it that I was able to go so long with out sex and be okay and now the idea of going without it for more then a few days cause strife?

It could be that now I have wonderful sex with the BF.

It could be that what we don't have we don't want.

Who knows.

But when I have to go with out it because I am traveling or whatever... I hate it. And I think about it constantly because I know I am not going to have it.

Hopefully this doesn't make it sound like my relationship is only about sex, because it isn't. Far from it. Which is maybe what makes the sex so much better.