My eyes are brown I tell you!

It has been a long time since I felt a certain "Wasted Emotion" as I like to refer to it. I mean a very long time. I think, if I had to be exact, the last time I felt it was when I was barely twenty. I chalked it up to being young and unsure of myself. And I always had assumed I outgrew it.

Because I hadn't felt it since. No matter who I was with, I never felt it.

Yes, I am talking about the green-eyed monster. That little bitch of an emotion that really is wasted. Hate it. Detest It. Don't want it.

So why, all of a sudden, did it reappear. I just have gone these, oh, seven years assuming that I was above it. I would always tell people who were feeling it that they were being silly, being insecure. I mean you should completely trust your significant other if you have a stable relationship and if you trust them... well you shouldn't feel jealousy.

So lets dissect this, because it will be fun.

Do I trust my significant other? Yes. There is no doubt there. I trust him with my heart, which is more important than just trusting him with my life. I trust my doctor with my life. Anyways, off track.

So I trust him. I love him. I believe in us.

So why?

Because I learned something new. It isn't about trust. And maybe, just maybe, I was wrong this whole time. Maybe jealousy isn't a wasted emotion. Bear with me, I'm getting to the huge "AH HA" moment.

The last time I felt jealousy was with the last person I actually really cared about. I mean really cared about, not just pretended to care, not had to care. The difference between him and all the people in between is that I never really cared. I didn't even really care for my ex-husband, which is a different story for a different time.

And the current BF. Well... I care for him beyond what I had imagined was possible. I am not trying to say that MLo wasn't an important part of my life, and that I didn't care for him enough. I am just pointing out the difference, which might not be relevant.

But the big "AH HA"... jealousy isn't about a lack of trust. It is about loving someone so much and knowing that because you love them so much that someone else might see what you see. That someone else might find the same things you found. That someone else might find they want that to.

It isn't about not being secure, its about being so secure that you know how important it is.

So jealousy, you little green bitch, I got your cards now.

So how am I still above jealousy? I recognized it and moved on. I didn't cause a seen. In fact, I'd say he doesn't even know. Because I took the jealousy and filed it a way. I placed it in that area of my brain where I think about and move on.